can some one tell if I have a future in novel writing?

[AnthonyMajor]

The scent of burnt ashes covered the sky, and with the smell of dead bodies was enough to send me into a frenzy. I can hear the flies buzzing over a dead carcass that's been dead for days. While walking there are two dogs pulling something apart, I know what it was, But, ignored it. In a distance two warriors are still fighting ,one of them falls. Standing there staring at the person he just killed, I can 't help but notice a little remorse that he shared with that dying man that he just slain Slowly moving his helmet he looked around tears rolled down his face(my grammar may be off)

 

[Ana]

The great thing is that I could picture it, so that's a start. I think some words could be switched out and there are a lot of unnecessary words like "dead carcass" a carcass is already a dead body. And also/ for example, "Standing there staring at the person he just killed," could be "Gawking (or fixed on) at the persons soul he has taken." < It’s not perfect, but you could get a sense of the character and your style of writing; just an idea. I agree, your grammar is off: you should take a creative writing class, focus on books and how they are written and pay attention to your tenses ( past, present, future: kind of all over the place). Overall, take out unnecessary words and replace words with others that have more description and emotion. It's okay though… a good start. I kind of like it. And at "This is Howard Bamboo™"... "Corner of my eye" could be peripheral vision.


I hope this helps... Practice definitely makes perfect!

 

[ThisisHowardBamboo™]

Hate to break it to you, but no. The grammar is of, you couldn't be bothered to edit and it is simply not well written. Plus, it is boring.

The pungent scent of burnt ashes filled the atmosphere, the smell of bodies lain dead for days. I walk through the carnage, noticing out of the corner of my eye two dogs ripping viciously at something. I ignore it. I stand there, staring down at the man I had just killed.

PS is it in the first or third person?

Also, I don't want to sound like a desperate attention seeker, but no one had answered my question, so please do. It will mean a lot.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AoyGo.eb_IiXq8pNCl95E_eIxQt.;_ylv=3?qid=20110309112328AASou7K

 

[CameronStone]

It's not great, but it's by no means the worst. You need to learn to edit- try reading it aloud to spot errors.

It's easy to write a novel, but very very hard to write a good one. If you enjoy writing, then keep practising and don't let anybody put you off.

I liked the feral dogs on the battleground; nice touch.

 

[Britt]

Well, I cannot tell you if you will ever be a novelist, I have no idea how old you are, so if you are like, 11, maybe. If not, no, probably not. The grammar alone was awful, and showed a real lack of understanding regarding language.

 

[lilyWhitemMoonlightm]

You won't if you don't bother to edit, as you admit ("my grammar may be off"). As well, the tense changes from past to present even within the same sentence.

 

[MELISSA1]

Your tenses are off, you forget words, your grammar is off and you don't even bother to edit. What kind of an answer do you expect to hear? "OMG! So wonderful!"? Because you won't get that from us. If you don't have the time to edit anything, you won't get far. At. All.