can someone please comment on this short story?

melaniejennings

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I used it as an answer to this question : http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AjBvevaUzHfPMgbqD8yHy0Dsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20101116150643AAFMmAm
but i just want a comment on it as a short story itself. I asked this question yesterday but was unable to post the story as it exceeded the maximum characters for the question, thank you :)
 
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