Coming to terms with the end of a relationship and moving on...?

[Matt]

My wife recently ended our relationship after 3½ years together and only 1-and-a-bit years married(!?). She's not really one for talking about anything difficult so I feel a little under-informed about where it went wrong etc. - to be fair though I don't know if there's actually anything else to say or if it's just me with my head spinning going "what? how? what??" it was all fairly out of the blue and even the earliest signs in retrospect that she wasn't happy were only a couple of months before the end...

Anyway - trying to paint the whole picture without waffling on. Basically, seen her couple of times since and once I got it out of her that it was over she has been pretty definite on it so I've just got to accept it and come to terms... I love her enough to just want her to be happy so she seems happier now.

I'm a bit under-experienced with relationships (she was my first girlfriend) so need help with how to come to terms and move on...

It's a loss of a whole life and life-style too - I'm back living at my folks on a medium-term temporary basis. I live in a fairly small town (pop. 30,000 ish). Have several good friends but many of them live elsewhere and it's not practical to see them every weekend - any socialising tends to be drink-fuelled anyway and I'm not up for that every weekend. Was a fairly fully immersive relationship and now I'm pretty lonely - can see my life becoming: work-gym-eat-sleep-work... with the odd interlude of going to the pub (my friends left here are few and far between and can be a bit boring - feels a bit mean to say).

Long question but basically looking for other peoples experience. I'm fairy level-headed (dispassionate?) and think that mibbe just need to meet the right person and move on? Probably just kidding myself and also probably habouring thoughts of "she'll see me with someone else and get jealous/want me back". How long has it taken anyone to move on? Does anyone ever meet someone in the pub? Bizarrely do feel pretty confident in myself just now - got a girls number (thrust on me.. not interested but good for the self-esteem at the time) couple of weeks ago.

So much for not waffling

Thanks in advance anyone

 

[Biscuitdesign]

Hi matt, i know how u feel, its not a great position to be in. However from my own experience, its good just to keep busy. Dont let the what ifs eat u up inside. Even if ur not really interested in that girl u got the number for, theres no harm in chattin to her. It doesnt have to be serious, just a social thing. If ur into the gym maybe look at doin a class like kickboxing or something? Good stress relief and a chance to meet new likeminded people. Chances are you will meet someone in an unexpected place when ur not looking for it. Take care x

 

[RosemaryV]

Sorry you are in so much pain. It sounds like you are a nice guy who's wife is not a happy person. You deserve to be happy too. Any chance you could move to an apartment in a different city? A change of pace could be just what you need. You deserve to be happy and you should let yourself. When the time is right you will find someone who loves you for you. Good luck.

 

[Rose]

you sound like an amazing man who just hasn't found the right one yet-I am sorry you are in so much pain-try to keep yourself busy-go out even when you don't feel like it-and focus on yourself right now, and try to do small things simple to make you smile. As horrible as it is right now-you will get through it and when you do, everything will be so much better-you deserve to be with a woman who deserves YOU and is happy with YOU.

as far as how long has it taken to move on? it depends, and there is no real answer because every relationship is different-just know that you will get through it -just take it one day at a time-there will be good days and bad ones, don't let that worry you, eventually the bad days fade out.. and you will find someone when you it is most inconvenient - cause for whatever reason that is how it works-and she will be great.

i wish you all the best

 

[jude]

its a process and it does take time to get through. trying to get over it by dating or drinking it away won't work actually one has to experience the pain. i got through it by the spiritual way which helped me in finding myself. it never works when thinking if they see you with someone else they will come running back, they usually don't. also it helps to help others less fortunate than yourself. It takes awhile to come to terms with a loss like this, there is nothing more painful than being rejected by someone you love and you thought loved you and it does hurt. there is really no time limit on the grief process you just have to go through it and feel it.