Theres nothing left for me. I'm so far I'm debt, I can't afford a daily meal. My health is deteriorating. Walking has become a chore. My mind is slipping. I don't focus on anything anymore. And the one thing I was holding onto is gone now. The person I love most in this world says he cannot trust me so he cannot be with me. I'm sure it could be worse but thoughts of suicide have been racing through my mind for weeks. The closer the decision comes the more I fear dieing but that's not enough to stop it. I suppose I'm just posting here to tell someone that isn't going to judge me for it. I can't tell anyone here. And I suppose at the last hour 911 may get a call. I'll end up locked in a straight jacket if I fail but at least the drugs are free. I won't have all of this pain.