Critique: Do you think this small* excerpt is funny?

[Powerpuff[EpicDazzlere]]

I actually wrote it. It came from a personal entry in my diary. My friend called it hilarious. Funny? Entertaining? So true? Other? (Besides punctuation!) Honesty is a must.


WOW! I can’t believe how much my ex-crush has changed! I’m in like total awe. So, I had a dream about him last night which made me very tempted to look on his Myspace page. I gave into temptation unfortunately but I’m just shocked. The cute, scrawny, very smart, well kept guy that I was like totally in love with in 3rd and 4th grade has done a complete 360! He’s taller and has gained some weight but that I definitely don’t mind. He now has tattoos! I can’t believe it! What happened to one of the best guys I knew? He was very well kept, wasn’t thuggish at all. He was the kind of guy you could bring home to your parents and not worry about him smelling like cannabis, cussing like a pirate, or stealing the nice silverware. I don’t know what to expect now! I haven’t changed at all since those elementary days. Of course, I grew a couple feet and grew heavier but I still look and act the same. I mean I know that its just outward appearance and he may be still really sweet, smart, and a complete gentleman but he’s smarter than that! Doesn’t he know and understand what people will think of him especially if he goes on interviews and whatnot. Is he trying to not seem like a good guy? Tattoos don’t make the man. Plus, most GOOD girls would KILL for a good guy like him. God, I hope he doesn’t start planting his seed around town and having 'baby mamas' here and there, and claiming to be an up and coming rapper. I’ll seriously have to just die then. Just a few months ago when we last talked he was telling me how all the good guys finish last. This is exactly where all the good guys are going…Down the wrong path. Good girls (The respectable, hardworking, smart ones not the private school ones who turn into whores in the night) don’t want guys who pretend to be something when they really aren’t, such as a bad boy/rebel. I think he was like a standard for me. Comparisons are easily done once you’ve had a taste of perfection. I mean I always said I wanted a guy that dressed nice, was funny, shared my love of Destiny’s Child, very smart, and spontaneous. I just realized he was all those things. I wanted a guy like him, since he was perfection for me. Now I don’t even know if he remembers Destiny’s Child he’s probably too busy getting his Lil’ Wayne collection together. Blah!!
The fact that I said 'baby mama' and 'Lil' Wayne' instantly gets it classified as ghetto ? I didn't even use slang. . .What makes it ghetto ?

 

[Via]

it does sound like its kinda ghetto but you were like trying to make it preppy but it didn't work

the subjects in it were kind of ghetto, I'll just point out the lines:

"very well kept, wasn’t thuggish at all...not worry about him smelling like cannabis, cussing like a pirate, or stealing the nice silverware.....having 'baby mamas' here and there.....claiming to be an up and coming rapper........This is exactly where all the good guys are going…Down the wrong path........turn into whores in the night)......too busy getting his Lil’ Wayne collection together

It sounds like its supposed to be ghetto, but you're trying to make it funny and preppy i think you were trying to turn it into something its not. try practicing your writing some more, because it IS good, but you could definitely do better

 

[Elvendork]

Ehh, not really funny.

 

[h0tmess]

Keep it in your diary, Ma.

 

[mc0c0puffzm]

You are brave. I would've kept my diary to myself. It's not that ghetto. I have read ghetto novels before and yours was mild.

 

[SudeepKingofScorn]

I don't do this sort of thing. But since you ask, kinda get-ho.

 

[t€mmmŠt™]

small? SMALL? >sigh<
Too wannabe teenage popular preppy chick, i think
like, eek. totally whatever???
>sigh<