depressed, alone, needing help!?

squeak

New member
Well thing is I broke up with my boyfriend a few months back, but I aint upset about that, so it cant be that can it? Anyway I went out with my ex as friends, just to hang about, and well he told me he still loved me...I felt weird and felt I was about to cry, but it wasn’t because of the fact I had feelings for him or anything. Then he mentioned his mates girlfriend and at the moment I almost frecked at him and said I would see him later as I needed to get home...once I got home I cut my arms! Thing is a like his mate, a lot...and hearing his name kills me. I know he has a girl so I don’t bother about him and I am happy because he is happy, but it doesn’t stop the feelings I do have for him. Anyway, everything time I think about him I cry! In fact everything makes me cry now...and even if it is nothing. I turn to self harm because I feel it helps the pain...I know you may think it is stupid...but I wish I knew myself why I really did it. I’ve just finished my GCSE’s and you would think I would have calmed down but I have been getting worse. My mum suffers from depression but takes nothing for it, and my dad also suffers with depression and tries to kill himself. And I am afraid I am like them... I have been through a lot e.g. sexual abuse...for 2 years. And I have been wondering is it that only late delay, cause it has been stopped for about a year now. I don’t want to go out of the house anymore...and when I do, I feel I want to go home to cry. It is killing me and I hate it! I don’t want to go to the docs cause they will either give me counselling (which I have already been through) or put me on pills. Is there any other way that may help me? Please someone help me...
Thanks
 
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