Do I tell dying Mum why I'm distant from her?

[HayleyM]

Basically my Mum has cancer and is dying from it. She knows that I have a lot of repressed issues and anger and has tried getting me to speak to a psychologist in the last few days. She has asked him to try and persuade me to talk to her about why I am so distant towards her and why I never really talk to her and let her in emotionally. The reason is that when I was a child I was abused sexually, mentally and emotionally and she got told a little about it but nothing was ever done till I was fifteen a dew year later. Because of her attitude about it I was raped. I feel that if she acted upon it the first chance she got then I wouldn't have been raped. Consequently, I feel resentment towards her for it. Do I tell her this? I've been told that if I want to do something about it then I have about a week in which I can do so. What do you think? ANy advice would be very helpful.

 

[U_S_S_Enterprise]

Tough question.

On one hand - i think yes, because then she can at least apologize to you, and ask your forgiveness (and then i`d forgive her - giving you some closure as well).

On the other hand - i think no, because it could cause serious pain with her - and in her situation, i would want to spare her as much as possible - regardless of the past.

If you have a therapist close by - one that knows your mother if you can - tell him/her this, and ask what the best option would be.

Honestly - i think i would talk to my mother (if it were me) and tell her that i would be willing to explain, but that it is not going to be easy.

I wish you wisdom, and strength in making the decision.

 

[proudwalker]

I would definitely do something. usually it's good to get things out of the way at a time like this - there will never be another chance. She is trying to set things right by you before she dies. My advice would be to speak to the psychologist or whatever it takes to allow you to tell her how you feel.

 

[Foray]

It's really up to you. We can't tell you to tell her or not.

That's a horrible situation though and I can understand why you would be distant with her. The thing is it sounds like SHE's the one who should be seeing a psychologist. You just reacted like anyone would. She's the one who wasn't aware enough to do something about the situation.

 

[cherryjo88]

Put yourself in her shoes, if you were dying and your daughter has been distant with you for years, wouldn't you want to die at least knowing why? Tell her, but be very gentle, I can only imagine how much you've been through and understand that you wanna get all your feelings out.
I would tell her, time's running out and she wants to make it up to her family including you. I think she's feeling lonely and just wants to understand what happened, tell her but softly.
Good luck