Do you have any lawyer jokes? best joke gets the

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points? Example.How To Tell If You Have a BAD Lawyer 1. During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway. 2. He tells you that his last good case was a "Budweiser."3. When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other. 4. He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."5. During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy. 6. A prison guard is shaving your head. 7. He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table. 8. He begins closing arguments with, "As Ally McBeal once said..."9. He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Mothra. 10. Just before he says "Your Honor," he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers. 11. The sign in front of his law office reads"Practicing Law Since 2:25 PM."12. Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, "Whatever."13. Just before trial starts he whispers, "The judge is the one with the little hammer, right?"
 
So an engineer dies and gets sent to Heaven. God says, "Well, um, I don't exactly have any room up here. Why don't you take him, Satan?" Satan agrees, and the engineer is sent to hell. The engineer notices that it's really hot, and asks Satan why. Satan says "Well, the AC's been broken for a millenia." So the engineer fixes it. The engineer goes around fixing pipes, machines, everything, until pretty soon, hell is looking pretty good. God says to Satan "Hey! I want that guy! Give him back, Satan." Satan refuses. God replies "If you don't give him back, I'll sue you." Satan says "Where are you gonna get a lawyer?"
 
how can you tell if a lawyer is lieing? if his lips are moving then he is lieing.
 
I'll steal the joke from the movie "Philadelphia":Q: What do you call 100 lawyers chained to the bottom of the ocean?A: A good start.
 
Why do lawyers wear neckties?To hold the foreskin back.Why don't sharks eat lawyers?Professional courtesy.What do you call a bus load of lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?A good start.What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull with rabies and pms?Lipstick.I hope you don;t mind but I'm gonna steal some of the ones you listed, if you don't like it, call a lawyer :-)
 
Something similar from UK: Barrister= Q.C.(Queens Council)= Lawyer. The Defence Barrister.‘My instructions are’ the Q.C. said,‘The witness for the defence is dead,The alibi we intended to use,Would only tend to confuse,The jury, who, in their quest,Will yet, I pray, still do their best’.‘The cash they found in his account,Although I agree, a large amount,Was not that taken from the till,Will be explained, he says he will,Provide the horses names and date,On which he won, my client will state’.My client was nowhere near the flat,My witness would have confirmed that,The footprint seen, was not his size,The victim, she is telling lies,The knife the police found in his car,Was not his, my instructions are’.The Judge awoke and used his gavel,He tried his best to unravel,What had been said, by the Defence,‘Sir. You are talking pure nonsense,He stole the cash, its plain you see,Your client has already pleaded Guilty. ------------
 
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