J. P. Buttafucco, the tomato millionaire, died and went to hell. Upon his arrival, an assistant demon took him on a tour of the four rooms in which he could spend eternity.
The first room was full of men standing on their heads on a brick floor.
J. P. decided against this one.
The second room was full of men standing on their heads on a wooden floor. J. P. thought this one looked better, but decided to see the other two rooms before making a choice.
The third room was full of men standing on their heads on mattresses. This looked more promising, but J. P. still wanted to see the last room.
The fourth room was full of men standing knee deep in raw sewage and drinking coffee. J. P. thought that the stuff that they were standing in was disgusting, but he decided on this room because of the coffee.
No sooner had the door closed and locked behind him when another assistant demon called out, "All right, coffee break's over. Everyone go back to standing on your head."
here is another
Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to discuss their options. One was an alcoholic, one was a chain smoker, and one was a homosexual.
The doctor, addressing all three of them, said, "If any of you indulge in your vices one more time, you will surely die."
The men left the doctor's office, each convinced that he would never again indulge himself in his vice. While walking toward the subway for their return trip to the suburbs, they passed a bar.
The alcoholic, hearing the loud music and seeing the lights, could not stop himself. His buddies accompanied him into the bar, where he had a shot of whiskey.
No sooner had he replaced the shot glass on the bar, he fell off his stool, stone cold dead.
His companions, somewhat shaken up, left the bar, realizing how seriously they must take the doctor's words. As they walked along, they came upon a cigarette butt lying on the ground, still burning.
The homosexual looked at the chain smoker and said, "If you bend over to pick that up, we're both dead."
heres another
Why did Hitker kill himself? He got his gas bill.
and another
A 5 yr old boy went to visit his grandmother one day.
While playing with his toys in her bedroom while Grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend?"
Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long.
The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so good.
The comedies make me laugh. I'm really happy with the TV as my boyfriend."
Grandma turned on the TV and the reception was terrible.
She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus.
Frustrated, she finally started hitting the backside of the TV, hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door, and there stood a man. The man said, "Hello, son, is your grandma home?"
The little boy replied, "Yeah, but she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend
and also read some here
http://www.wattpad.com/146834-some-of-the-best-jokes-you-will-ever-read-dark