Family putting me on a guilt trip?

[annony]

hi need help im 34 male and having loads of probs with my family.
All my family live in the same area my sisters n mum and i move away to other side of country about 7 years ago, my mums always been one for putting people on guilt trips to get her way. she recently came to visit me n girlfriend and all hell broke loose think she was basically jealous because i have my own life where i am and didnt like the thought of me (her only son) spending time with anotherfamily (my gfs).
dont think my family have ever like the fact i moved away from them and dont like me for it, they feel like ive left them to deal with all their problems and ive basically skipped out on them and they feel like my gf has taken me from them. No one has problems of their own compared to them (do uz know what i mean) if anyone has a problem thats nothing to whats going on in their life! its always been this way. now me n my gf are engaged to be married and ive just recently told them! now when ever i call things are ok for first 10min then the whole guilt trip begins that your down there having a great time while we are hear with all our problems, you ruined our visit! Ive not even had a congrats card from any of my family on our engagement. my mum does have health issues as shes getting older but i cant do anything about it but they are making me feel guilty for it and basically making my life miserable. i love my family to bits and would do anything for them if i could but i just dont know what they want from me? i need help folks......please help

 

[mandyj67]

I think that by the time you're in your mid thirties what you've got in the way of family, is what you're pretty much stuck with. Sorry. You can't live your life to someone else's expectations, you'll never be happy if you try to, and because it's not what you want to do, you'll never meet the other persons expectations either, so nobody wins. At least if you live your life the way you want to, one person will be happy for definate, you. They haven't any right to expect you to help them with their problems, you have your own family to consider, they should come first now. If you're happy with things the way they are, then don't change them. You know what they say 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it' I think you're really going to have to learn to tune your family out sometimes. This is why some families only get together at Christmas and stuff. It's pretty common.