day. Should I tell my son? Last night, I told FDIL that I would be honored if she would consider wearing some heirloom jewelry from my family on her wedding day-I offered her my mother's choker and earrings and my grandmother's charm bracelet. FDIL flatly said no, that she would be wearing HER family's jewelry on HER big day (and she said it just like that). She will wear her mother's earrings and her great grandmother's bracelet and her grandma's ring. FDIL didn't even look at pictures I had taken of the jewelry-she just rejected the pieces and seemed annoyed that I would even have the nerve to ask her. I understand that it is her decision, but I feel that she has no idea how special it would be to me and others in our family to see her wear the jewelry and feel that our family is represented, especially as FDIL has not even tried to include me or our family in her plans for the wedding. Should I tell my son how hurt I am and how bad I felt her attitude was?
Future daughter-in-law rejected my heirloom jewelry to wear on her wedding
As every woman is very particular about her own wedding, alot forget it's hers and her partners wedding so you of course have every rite to ask her, but no need to go tell you son, I would just be upfront and say that she didn't have to be so strong with her answer no, she could have seemed more humble and politely said no thank you as she is wearing her families jewels. Keeping an open honest relationship with your daughter inlaw is the main thing, if I was her I would have at least been polite and honored to wear the jewels and if not everything suited with her dress, choose a piece that did.
She's the one wearing jewelery, she gets to pick what style/kind she wears. That's really all their is to it.
Why on earth would you tell your son? What on earth is that going to solve? Nothing. In fact, it's just going to create more problems.
Maybe the way she turned you down was a bit rude, but she already has her own families jewelery to wear. Deal with it
Why on earth would you tell your son? What on earth is that going to solve? Nothing. In fact, it's just going to create more problems.
Maybe the way she turned you down was a bit rude, but she already has her own families jewelery to wear. Deal with it
Think about it from her perspective. Maybe, since she was a little girl, she had always dreamed of including her own mother and grandmother on her special day, so even the idea of anyone else asking her to include them in her wedding in such a way is appalling. She could have handled it more politely, yes, but on my wedding day, if I borrow jewelry, it would be from the women in my life who have been there since I was born. I respect my FMIL and think she is a wonderful woman, but I would feel awkward wearing any of her jewelry on my wedding day, especially when I have a mother of my own.
Don't tell your son. That would be a low-blow, and he might get annoyed at you because the issue seems so petty to him. I hope that she apologizes to you for her attitude, but maybe you should be the bigger person and tell her you didn't mean to step on her toes -- you were just being friendly. =)
Don't tell your son. That would be a low-blow, and he might get annoyed at you because the issue seems so petty to him. I hope that she apologizes to you for her attitude, but maybe you should be the bigger person and tell her you didn't mean to step on her toes -- you were just being friendly. =)
She definitely should have been nicer about it! The nice thing to do would be to at least take a look at the jewelry since it is important to her new family. But cut her a little slack, even if she hasn't planned it all her life, she has probably worked very hard to plan what she will actually wear on the wedding day. It is unlikely that she meant to offend you.
Telling your son will not help anyone's relationship- yours and his, his and hers.
Telling your son will not help anyone's relationship- yours and his, his and hers.
Do it and don't expect her to talk to you again....
I understand that she as the bride not your daughter but FDIL would like to wear HER family heirlooms and not yours.I guess that means you don't have a daughter...
You have to try and see it from her point of view,how do you think her family would feel if she wore yours....maybe she already agreed to wear theirs so she couldn't wear yours...
Maybe she sounded annoyed with you because you pushed it on her? I wasn't there so I can't really pick sides.
Im just saying is if you confront your son about it and he tells her,don't expect for her to like you after that.....my god just think about how it will be after the wedding :/ I feel for you that you are hurt....but you must get over it,its her family jewellery she wants to wear not yours...don't be the over bearing nagging mother in law because you will lose them both...trust me.
Just accept and move on
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I understand that she as the bride not your daughter but FDIL would like to wear HER family heirlooms and not yours.I guess that means you don't have a daughter...
You have to try and see it from her point of view,how do you think her family would feel if she wore yours....maybe she already agreed to wear theirs so she couldn't wear yours...
Maybe she sounded annoyed with you because you pushed it on her? I wasn't there so I can't really pick sides.
Im just saying is if you confront your son about it and he tells her,don't expect for her to like you after that.....my god just think about how it will be after the wedding :/ I feel for you that you are hurt....but you must get over it,its her family jewellery she wants to wear not yours...don't be the over bearing nagging mother in law because you will lose them both...trust me.
Just accept and move on
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You may want her to wear your jewelry, but she's already chosen what she wants to wear. Don't get your feelings hurt over it. It's HER choice. As far as wedding planning is concerned, if you didn't pay for any part of the wedding, then you don't have the right to put in your two cents when it comes to wedding planning. Just go and enjoy the wedding.
She's wearing jewelry from her family because that's very meaningful to her. Your family's jewelry is only meaningful to the women in your family, so why would you think it would carry any significance to her? You're wrong in getting upset about it. This isn't your daughter getting married. Perhaps you should focus on giving your son something that would carry significance, such as a pair of cufflinks, watch or some other heirloom.
And I guess the groom is chopped liver, because it's HER day and has to be HER way, right? You know, for all the selfish bride bashing I see in here, this one should have gotten SOME, but you're all siding with the bride!
I'm not siding with anyone in this case. What you should do is NOTHING. Got that? A whole lotta nothing. Don't ask, don't push, don't apologize. You asked her to do something and she said no, ok, moving on. I can understand how important something like this would mean to you, and I'm sorry that you don't have a daughter to share it with, but fact is, she wants to wear her side, and that's all there is to it.
Don't be a tattle, don't piss and moan, just brush it off and get over it. I'm sorry that she seemed to reject you so harshly, but this is just how it is. If you tell your son, you will cause drama, period. Your son might explode claiming that he knew all along that you didn't like her, or something like that. He may resent the hell out of you for saying anything. Please, just look past this and see ahead the real damage you may cause by opening your mouth.
I'm not siding with anyone in this case. What you should do is NOTHING. Got that? A whole lotta nothing. Don't ask, don't push, don't apologize. You asked her to do something and she said no, ok, moving on. I can understand how important something like this would mean to you, and I'm sorry that you don't have a daughter to share it with, but fact is, she wants to wear her side, and that's all there is to it.
Don't be a tattle, don't piss and moan, just brush it off and get over it. I'm sorry that she seemed to reject you so harshly, but this is just how it is. If you tell your son, you will cause drama, period. Your son might explode claiming that he knew all along that you didn't like her, or something like that. He may resent the hell out of you for saying anything. Please, just look past this and see ahead the real damage you may cause by opening your mouth.
SandraNicholas
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- Nov 13, 2011
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Just cos i am a girl and single one
i d like to tell you one thing, its her special day and she should decide how she wants it to be
if she had respect for you , she should have said yes to you
but maybe she is quite immature for that , just explain to her your feelings and if she still doesnt agree, i d just like to say best of luck!
i d like to tell you one thing, its her special day and she should decide how she wants it to be
if she had respect for you , she should have said yes to you
but maybe she is quite immature for that , just explain to her your feelings and if she still doesnt agree, i d just like to say best of luck!
Insecuregirl
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- Nov 15, 2011
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Is tattling to your son really the best move, here? It's her big day; the day she's dreamed of, most of her life. If she doesn't want to include a piece of jewelry that means so much to you, she might be afraid of losing or breaking it, respect her wishes. Bottom line: he's marrying her! She's going to be around for awhile, no doubt with grandkids of yours in a few years. Think of the big picture. You go running to your son and you piss her off, ranking as a terrible mother in law. Respect her wishes and shut up.
barthebear
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- Jun 3, 2008
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I wonder if your mother-in-law asked you to wear her jewelry? I am not familiar with that tradition; but I do believe that a wedding day is one's only chance to have everything just as one desires. I would not burden your son with this story. I do hope it is not an indication of things to come, however, since your son is leaving you ...well as the Bible quotes : A man shall leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife when he marries. I find that the perfect mother in law stays in the background, does not phone, yet is available when needed or requested. All you can do now is be happy for your son if he is happy and tell them both that if there is anything they need ( e g Heirloom Jewelry) don' t hesitate to ask. Sorry to sound so preachy, but otherwise there will be conflict and pain for all involved. Congratulations on your son's moving on. You must have done a wonderful job of parenting. We all want our children's independence of us.
The point of the wedding isn't to make you feel speical. It's about what the couple wants. Maybe she could have been a little more polite, made a show of looking at pictures before telling you she's already decided to wear her family heirlooms, but the outcome would still be the same.
And why should your jewelery be more special to her than her family jewelery?
Did you spend a moment thinking about how special it will be to her family to see her wear her family heirlooms? Why should your wishes trump theirs, and the bride's?
And why should your jewelery be more special to her than her family jewelery?
Did you spend a moment thinking about how special it will be to her family to see her wear her family heirlooms? Why should your wishes trump theirs, and the bride's?
nova_queen_28
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- Mar 26, 2008
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No, you should not tell your son. You offered, she declined. End of story. Talking to your son will cause troubles.
I am sorry that she didn't make some attempt to include something of your family's at her wedding, but that is how she wants it to be and you have to respect that. Do any of the men in your family have anything your son could wear? Some cufflinks perhaps?
I am sorry that she didn't make some attempt to include something of your family's at her wedding, but that is how she wants it to be and you have to respect that. Do any of the men in your family have anything your son could wear? Some cufflinks perhaps?
No, it's her day and her family jewelry. If she didn't have family jewelry that she was planning on wearing rejecting your families would be different. And the groom's family isn't really involved in wedding planning, just hosting the rehearsal dinner. It is wrong of you to be offended that she wants to wear jewelry that belongs to the special ladies in her life.
Grow up. You made an offer, she declined. The end. Why do you care whose jewelery she wears to her wedding? Maybe she had a bad day and took it out on you. While not very nice, it should be taken into account. Get over it.
"I feel that she has no idea how special it would be to me and others in our family to see her wear the jewelry and feel that our family is represented, especially as FDIL has not even tried to include me or our family in her plans for the wedding" <--- Really? This day is not about YOU or your family being "represented", your son is welcoming this woman to start HIS family. From here on out, it's their family, not yours, afterall. As for the planning, get over it. This woman has plans for HER wedding. You had your own wedding, deal with it. Enjoy the fact that your son loves her and wants to start his life with her. His happiness should be your goal, not worrying about having the bride wear your family jewels.
Good luck!
"I feel that she has no idea how special it would be to me and others in our family to see her wear the jewelry and feel that our family is represented, especially as FDIL has not even tried to include me or our family in her plans for the wedding" <--- Really? This day is not about YOU or your family being "represented", your son is welcoming this woman to start HIS family. From here on out, it's their family, not yours, afterall. As for the planning, get over it. This woman has plans for HER wedding. You had your own wedding, deal with it. Enjoy the fact that your son loves her and wants to start his life with her. His happiness should be your goal, not worrying about having the bride wear your family jewels.
Good luck!