Future MIL inviting her friends and relatives that my fiance doesn't even know?

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Digital_Diva

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Over the holidays while my fiance was home with his family across the country, I asked him to get his mom to help him make a guest list for the wedding. I made one too for my family and friends to try to get a rough estimate of how many people would be invited. Well my family is much larger than his - just for family, my list was about 70 people - not including friends or close neighbours.

Well the list he came up with with his mother and grandmother ended up being only about 60 people total, but many of the people on it were great-aunts and great-uncles and some were friends of his mom's that live far away and that he doesn't even know. But his parents have not offered to help pay for anything ... we are paying for most of the wedding, and my parents have offered to help some. So is it going to be a big deal if we knock some of those people off the list that my fiance doesn't know? I talked to my mom about this, and we kind of had two points of view on it - it's hard to knock people off his list since his list is so much smaller than mine (since his immediate family is small). But on the other hand, his parents aren't paying, so they shouldn't really be inviting people my fiance and I don't know since WE will be paying for them!

What do you think?
I just want to add that if I started inviting all my great aunts and uncles, my grandmother is one of 13 children ... so there would be a lot! And we see them a lot, I know them all by name. In contrast, my fiance couldn't even remember the names of these great-aunts and uncles that his mom and grandma want to invite.
Just to be clear, the wedding is on a strict budget of $8 to 10,000. And we are paying for most of it, not the parents! My parents will be contributing maybe 1 or 2,000.
 
Family is family. Your MIL is happy to celebrate your love and wants everyone she knows to share in it. It is customary for the bride's family to pay so his family should offer to pay for the rehearsal dinner and that is about it. Find a way to finalize numbers and work with a budget so all can come. I had people at my wedding whom I had never met in my life from my husband's side. No biggie. You wont remember a thing anyway. The day is a blur.
 
I'm guessing it will turn out to be a non-issue, since most of the distant out-of-state relatives will not attend. But I'll pretend everyone is sure to come and answer you.

You get to pick the guest list. Only immediate family should expect to be invited--and I doubt anyone who your fiance can't remember will feel snubbed if they aren't invited. Besides that, why do you care if someone you don't know feels slighted? Let them have their hurt feelings if they want to feel that way. You can tell them they should have sent a Christmas card.

Treat his mother's list as a list of everyone she can think of, not as a must-invite list. You certainly don't want to give a space to someone who you want to be at your wedding to someone you don't really know.
 
It is a common courtesy to allow the mother of the groom to invite some of her friends to her son's wedding, whether he knows them or not. Both sets of parents should be allowed a certain number of guests. As you said yourself, his list is considerably smaller than yours, so why should it matter if you know these people or not? Your future MIL knows them; they are her friends, and that should be good enough for you. She needs to have some of her friends there to mingle with and to play the role of Proud Mama. Worst-case scenario, you get a bunch of nice gifts from total strangers. It could be worse.
 
The usual math is something along the lines of "his parents choose 40 guests, her parents choose 40 guests, and the young couple chooses 20" and how his parents might wish to bestow those 40 guest spots is between him and his parents -- the wise bride-to-be stays out of it! If your parents are unhappy at the prospect of paying to entertain people they don't know, then they should plan some other sort of family gathering. The nature of weddings is such that a good many guests will inevitably be people the bride's family does not know. It would be mean and petty to limit your future in-laws to only a few guests on the grounds that the composition of their family differs from the composition of your own.
 
No offense but you seem like a little bratty bridezilla. So what if they invite great aunts and uncles? If the parents are close to them, then its fine. I say you invite 100, let them invite 100 and there ya go. I WILL be inviting my entire family and that is that. What do you have against it? Its not your fiances mothers problem you have a huge family. And it is absolutely none of the grooms family's responsibility to pay for anything except for the tuxes and rehersal dinner. I'm sorry your parents are too cheap to buy you a nice wedding. And his side has onlygotten up to 60 with inviting distant relatives, so why are you talking down on them? That's very fortunate he can ask everyone that's impo®tant to him and his mom. Tell him to add to his side if he wants, since your side is bigger anyway. Sounds like you are making a big deal out of nothing.
 
So funny, my fiance and I have been diligently working on our guest list too. This is the first real wedding task we have done. I think that you need to consider the same rules for both sides, this was the advise from my mother who is hands off of our wedding planning because we are paying not parents. If you are inviting great aunts then he goes to that extreme, if you are limiting it to first cousins he must limit it to that too. the overall number is what counts not his vs. yours, you are all going to be related by the end of this event anyway!
 
Have you asked his parents to help with the money? A wedding is to celebrate the couple's happiness, Usually with close friends and relatives. Also how close are you with your in-laws? You might become out laws and is it worth it.?
 
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