I've always been borderline anxious/depressed but super successful and emotionally numbed. This January I started to like an amazing guy. (I work really hard and look good so I've had admirers but I'm often emotionally apatehtic to them). He's shy and wants me to initiate and doesn't know how far he can go with me but my vulnerabilities and horrible childhood often make it a horrible cycle that looks like I'm playing games. I've never had a b/f though I get hit on...enough. I want to give consistent signals so he can feel comfortable around me. I want to be unselfish. I'm trying super hard but some of my symptoms are extremely severe. I had to go on meds for a while and have once tried to commit suicide. I can't bare to hurt him but he's helped me to realize what I want (much different from the conservative culture life I'm from) and wish to get better. Should I let him go? Should I pursue him but somehow hint that we need to take it slow? While we've talked, it's very general bc it gets cut off bc I don't know what to talk or how to be me with him (never heard my parents talk to each other as humans, only fight...and thisis NOT an exaggeration). He's highly wanted and gets annoyed at all this but he's being so kind that I just... I can't express it enough.