How can I argue my case to my mom?

[KatieKarcher]

So my long distance boyfriend, Nicolai, is in the army. My mom's never met him, and what she does know is that we're friends (she wouldn't let me talk to him if she knew, but that's the problem anyway). She recently blocked his number from my phone because she doesn't believe he's in the army. I'm sixteen and a few years younger than him, so I don't have the ability to buy my own phone or do stuff like that to deal with this. So, my mom thinks he's lying to me, and now I can only talk to him online! I'm falling apart.... the best part of my day was talking to him on the phone. We texted, had long conversations, and even that was hard enough. But now, I'm totally a wreck. I've gained 5 pounds from eating comfort food to distract myself, my grades are slipping, and I feel like I'm ripping apart at the seams. I've started lashing out at people, throwing things, and have been on-and-off crying constantly, even in school (which obviously doesn't help my grade when I can't see the board through my tears to take notes!). My mom still doesn't trust him even though I've tried to explain these things, and since my boyfriend keeps a lot from his parents he can't have her talk to them on the phone, which is what she's requesting to make it better.
My question is, what the hell can I say to explain to my mom how much this matters without letting slip that we're dating? She thinks we're just best friends, and I'm at a loss.... I've tried to explain to her and every time I do I'm so emotional that I completely break down and start bawling as if I've just been stabbed.
My mom and I are meeting with my therapist this Friday to discuss this Nicolai situation, and I'm praying that I can argue my case without letting too much information slip. Since I'm not supposed to be friends with people who are over eighteen, I can't even explain to her HOW he's in the army cause she thinks he's my age!
Please, PLEASE help me. I feel like I've died inside. I'm falling apart. I'm eating unhealthily. My grades are slipping. My friendships are fading. My life is collapsing.

 

[Jessica]

Have you ever met him in person?

You should never depend on a person to make you happy, you're still young and going through things hes already been through, are you really compatible?

Sorry if i sound harsh.

 

[Alexandria]

Alright, first thing I will say to you: PATIENCE. Close your eyes, take a deep breath and then exhale. All good things come to those who wait.

First, of all, I'm going to address the issue that you're having about keeping your life together without your boyfriend. Think about it, wouldn't your boyfriend be worried for you if you continue this way? It's normal to feel sad and put down sometimes if you are in a long distance relationship, but it's shouldn't interfere with your life this much. Starting tomorrow, start studying, and focus on your life. Remember just because you can't talk to him on the phone, it's not the end of the world, and it's important to remember that. If it's hard for you to break away from your old habits like this, you could start rewarding yourself for every one thing you do well. For example, after you do all your homework for a day, or after you've finished studying for a test(etc), reward yourself by getting online to chat with him. This will do wonders for you, and not only will it make you feel better, it will make others around you feel better. Instead of forgetting your friendships, try to hangout with friends more. Remember, in such times you need a good friend or two to confide in.

And now for the Mom/Nicolai problem. Firstly, my advice to you would be to just tell her about Nicolai. This will have to happen sooner or later(especially if your relationship is serious), and in this way, you can tell your mom just how much he means to you. It's time to put on your brave front and face your fears out there. Since your mom truly cares about you, just explain to her exactly what you wrote on the description part of your question. Remember, the only reason your mom is mad at you is because she is worried about you. I know you're not supposed to be friends with people older than 18, and this might release a hurricane of )#(%)#(*%)@#(*~!!!!!! from your mom. But trust me, in the long run, this will save you,your mom and your money(the therapist ) a load of heartache.

But, I would also like to point out that you should try to be more independent. What if: tomorrow he breaks up with you and just leaves you hanging? Following your earlier behavioral patterns, this would turn your life in to a whirling dervish, yes? I'm sorry if I sound harsh(I really am!!! i know this sounds really mean. -_-) but you have to face reality. Remember to live your life to the fullest and not in the shadows of someone else's footsteps.

Again, I'm sorry if that sounded harsh, but I really do think that this will help you. Face your fears, tell your mom the truth and live your life to the fullest. Good luck! ^_^

 

[jjaanbutt]

She is depressed and is trying to make up for it by being a *****. I highly recommend you move in with a relative until she sorts her life out