m~TheKnittedChicken~m
New member
- Aug 2, 2010
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I think I may have depression. I've gone on to lots of websites and I have a lot of the symptoms they describe. I've had about 3 'breakdowns' in my life (I'm 13 if that helps), one when I was about 8, and I just felt worthless and angry for a very long time. I felt like going to bed, putting my head under the covers and going to sleep, and never waking up. I didn't want to live. But I never told my mum about it, because I didn't know how. I was only 8 years old, and the arguments with my dad (we're very alike and it can sometimes clash) didn't help.
Mum has bad depression too, and so does my uncle. I remember a few years ago it got really bad and her antidepressants weren't working. I got scared, to be honest with you, because I didn't understand. It's always been awkward with my dad being there, because......well, I don't really know. When it comes to interesting conversations and logic we're fine, but actual feelings and heart to hearts really frustrate me.
About 6 months ago when I was 12, I had another 'breakdown'. I can say this time that I thought about harming myself (never actually did it) and how everything would be better if I wasn't around. The main cause of it was my dad, because we usually have periods of bad temperedness together. That was about the first time that mum talked to me about my feelings. Every time I mentioned depression, she always put it off (and I don't blame her) but it got difficult for me because I felt like I had no one to talk to and I couldn't tell her this.
I want to communicate with her now, because it's the holidays and this is basically when I go down because I have nothing to do. Mum and dad work so I get the house to myself for a few hours (I have trouble sleeping - I suspect insomnia - so I get up at about 12 o clock pm on my own).
I try doing things with my friends, but I don't have hardly any that I do anything with out of school - we just don't DO that sort of thing. I have one of my friends, who I think is my best friend, and I've just found out that she's moving schools so I won't see her again. My life now is practically nothing, because it's a ritual of get up, watch tv, talk to friends on facebook, talk to parents, go on computer, bed. Every single day.
I'm just asking what I can do, because discussing it is going to be difficult. I rarely get any time with mum, and even that's when she comes back from work and she's stressed. I don't think I can even mention it but I know that this can't go on. Mum thinks I'm just being lazy and it's because of girl stuff (which it probably is partly) but I'm scared it's going to go from very low self esteem to complete feelings of desperation. What can I do?
Thanks for putting up with this very long question
Mum has bad depression too, and so does my uncle. I remember a few years ago it got really bad and her antidepressants weren't working. I got scared, to be honest with you, because I didn't understand. It's always been awkward with my dad being there, because......well, I don't really know. When it comes to interesting conversations and logic we're fine, but actual feelings and heart to hearts really frustrate me.
About 6 months ago when I was 12, I had another 'breakdown'. I can say this time that I thought about harming myself (never actually did it) and how everything would be better if I wasn't around. The main cause of it was my dad, because we usually have periods of bad temperedness together. That was about the first time that mum talked to me about my feelings. Every time I mentioned depression, she always put it off (and I don't blame her) but it got difficult for me because I felt like I had no one to talk to and I couldn't tell her this.
I want to communicate with her now, because it's the holidays and this is basically when I go down because I have nothing to do. Mum and dad work so I get the house to myself for a few hours (I have trouble sleeping - I suspect insomnia - so I get up at about 12 o clock pm on my own).
I try doing things with my friends, but I don't have hardly any that I do anything with out of school - we just don't DO that sort of thing. I have one of my friends, who I think is my best friend, and I've just found out that she's moving schools so I won't see her again. My life now is practically nothing, because it's a ritual of get up, watch tv, talk to friends on facebook, talk to parents, go on computer, bed. Every single day.
I'm just asking what I can do, because discussing it is going to be difficult. I rarely get any time with mum, and even that's when she comes back from work and she's stressed. I don't think I can even mention it but I know that this can't go on. Mum thinks I'm just being lazy and it's because of girl stuff (which it probably is partly) but I'm scared it's going to go from very low self esteem to complete feelings of desperation. What can I do?
Thanks for putting up with this very long question