CertainlyLolita
New member
Aside from the grammar how can i improve this scene? i feel it's much too blah. By the way this is a small part of the scene not the whole thing but i want to focus on just this bit.
With great force he held me down and got on top of me taking of his gray coat and unbuckling his pants. I tried kicking and screaming, the first moves you'd use in a situation like this, but I knew no one could hear me. I stopped- what was the point? I was there in a van with a monster behind a lonely baseball field with no one to witness what was happening. The windows were tinted dark for anyone to even see. With one hand he unbuckled my pants and took off my underwear while grasping my neck with the other. He forced himself inside me. "I've never been with anyone" he admitted enjoying my hell.
Soon there was pain. Pain all over me. I felt the sky in my world turning bloody red. The ground on my earth began to crack- crack so much more. I was numb, no more tears ran through my face. The pain i was going through was unbearable more that physical pain but no more tears. I just lay there with my bloodshot eyes and blood all over my pants and his backseat. All over my world.
With great force he held me down and got on top of me taking of his gray coat and unbuckling his pants. I tried kicking and screaming, the first moves you'd use in a situation like this, but I knew no one could hear me. I stopped- what was the point? I was there in a van with a monster behind a lonely baseball field with no one to witness what was happening. The windows were tinted dark for anyone to even see. With one hand he unbuckled my pants and took off my underwear while grasping my neck with the other. He forced himself inside me. "I've never been with anyone" he admitted enjoying my hell.
Soon there was pain. Pain all over me. I felt the sky in my world turning bloody red. The ground on my earth began to crack- crack so much more. I was numb, no more tears ran through my face. The pain i was going through was unbearable more that physical pain but no more tears. I just lay there with my bloodshot eyes and blood all over my pants and his backseat. All over my world.