How do a tell potential future sister-in-law to slow down?

[Jewelle]

My brother's girlfriend is telling all of her friends that they are getting married in four months, and letting people know to "save the date" around that time for the wedding. The problem is that my brother hasn't even proposed to her yet, and he certainly hasn't started setting things in stone with her. I'm not sure he even wants to marry her.

I'm not sure why she's in such a hurry to rush the relationship to the final stage, as they've known each other less than a year. In my opinion they have very little in common, and after the newness of the relationship wears off I'm dubious that it's even going to last. They aren't aligned politically, don't share the same religion, taste in music/movies/books, and lead very different lifestyles (she's very outgoing and he's more of a home body).

How can I tell her nicely that she needs to slow down and stop jumping the gun? My brother, who is a bit of a pushover, if getting overwhelmed with this and is basically telling her anything she wants to hear at this point. She is very immature for her age, and I have a strong feeling that she's more interested in having a wedding than having a marriage. All of her friends are getting married, and I think she's feeling left out and wants to have her day in the spotlight too. But, of course, that's totally the wrong reason to be getting married.

On top of that, she's planning this wedding (in her head) around the time that another relative is getting married, and he started planning his wedding a year and a half ago!

I'm pulling my hair out in frustration with this girl. What can I say that is polite but will get the point across that she is going about this wedding planning the wrong way?
Every single comment so far has missed the point of my question. The point is that she's telling people to save the date for a wedding before my brother has proposed to her. Maybe I didn't make it clear, but she is planing a wedding WITHOUT even asking him if it's okay.

And there's the part where she's trying to upstage my other relative who has been planning his wedding at that time for over a year.

I really don't give a crap about their relationship, but a wedding involves the whole family, and for her to be jabbering to her friends about a wedding date before my parents or her parents OR EVEN THE POTENTIAL GROOM have even been invited into the discussion is just plain rude.

 

[GetInLine]

If he hasn't told her to slow down...maybe she doesn't need to. What you see as him being a 'pushover' might actually be his agreement? I understand that he's your brother, and you love him and want to protect him...but this is for him to handle, and if he doesn't have the courage to stand up for himself (if that's even necessary), then this will also have to be his lesson to learn.

 

[mcq316]

Butt out. Butt out. Butt out. She isn't planning YOUR wedding so mind your own business. YOU may think its too fast or too soon or she's doing it wrong. That doesn't matter. Its HER relationship. If you stick your nose in and piss her off, how is that going to make your brother feel? Leave it alone.

 

[heidi]

It is not your place to tell your brother's fiancee that she may be delusional. What makes you think that would be appropriate? If it's true, then it is your brother's responsibility to talk to her about it. If you say something you shouldn't, you are not only betraying the girl, but your brother as well.

You might want to talk to your brother about whether or not he actually wants to get married. Do not try to discourage him, but merely be supportive of whatever he wants. If he IS actually hesitant about then whole thing, then encourage him to talk to his fiancee before it goes to far. It would be much, much better to be honest about it now then to end with a last-minute breakup, or worse, a divorce.


eta: YOU missed the point of every single one of these comments. The point is this is NOT YOUR PLACE. Punto. Your brother should be the one to talk to her.

 

[bbg]

Your brother is an adult. She is an adult. They are in a relationship. The end.

You need to mind your own business NOW.

Unless you are your brother's legal guardian because he is unable to care for himself, then this is the time for you to smile, be polite and keep your mouth shut on the subject unless your opinion is asked for.

You aren't always going to like the decisions your family members make. They are entitled to their own lives and even to make mistakes. Big ones.

You are not the end-all be-all of decisions and you certainly aren't entitled to tell HER how to live her life. If you do, you will likely lose your brother. If he's forced to choose, he'll probably choose her even if it's a mistake.

Smile, be polite and keep your mouth shut (unless your brother asks you for advice). If you can't manage that, he may not even want you there when it's time to pick up the pieces after it falls apart. No one wants to hear, "I told you so."

BE QUIET.

ETA: You are again wrong. Not a single person here "missed your point." We got it loud and clear. You simply don't like the advice you received, which by the way, is unanimously correct.

 

[MrWarrior1]

Your brothers relationship, is none of your business.

If my sister, said anything to my girlfriend, which anything to do with my relationship. As much as i love my sister. Quite simply, its none of her business.

Now at the end of the day. The girlfriend is happy and in love.
I dont see your point.
So what if she is over eager, even though he has not proposed. It has nothing to do with you.

You might say..............." Oh but hes my brother"

His girlfriends, or his future wife, DOES NOT have to mee your standards. It has to meet his.
If he married, someone you chose.
It more than likely would not last.
Why?
Because he is an individual.

Allow him to be one.

I agree with you, it would be annoying , for her to like that around you. In all seriousness, it would probably drive you crazy.
But its his relationship, not yours.