How does a gentleman ask out a lady these days?

[JanineR]

She works in a charity shop...repeated visits without buying anything will be transparent attempts to see her, repeated visits buying stuff would make him look like a compulsive hoarder.



If she's not looking, for whatever reason, she'll say no. She'll say no whether it's now or in six months time.

If she's looking, and she's interested, she'll either say yes, or 'let's get to know each other'.

Best way to get to know each other isn't to stand in a charity shop when she's meant to be working making small talk.



Imagine if he'd just handed over his phone number before they parted - she might have called him.

Bumping into him a few times relies rather a lot on luck. The guy took the right approach.

 

[GOATY]

Then color me "jaded" as well. The only chicks those goofy lines work on are not the type of people you want to be around anyhow.

If you are out doing something interesting and challenging with your life the whole thing becomes a non-issue. You'll run into people who are also doing interesting things with THEIR lives....and....you don't have to think-up some corny come-on.

Exception to the rule? Stay away from the Bars.

Think about it for a bit. If the only thing the person you have in common with a person is that they like to blur Reality, you have to ask yourself what you really have on your mind.

Now I appreciate that there are a lot of younger folk on here and there is a lot of testosterone flowing every which way. Fine. But if a person's idea of how to meet people is to let the testosterone or the alcohol guide the endeavor you sorta lose the right to complain when the whole mess blows-up in yer face, right?

Best Wishes,

Bruce

 

[Clumsy_girl870048]

For me, I was nervous as hell. I had a couple of long relationships (I don't know how I managed to get them). After break ups, I read a bit about the PUA world, tried and tested it's hit and miss for breaking the ice and getting numbers and the dates going, it worked for a while. Then when I became jaded with relationships, one nighters in general. Now I seem to just get what I want even when I'm not looking. It's a nice feeling. I prefer now a night in with the guys with movies and a couple of drinks or gaming rather than out looking to pick up, or bothered about being single. I actually prefer it but still manage to have a lot of fun. This sort of state will do me fine till I'm 40 then I might think about settling down.

 

[Bijou]

I just hit a cute looking one with a club on the head and then drug her by her foot to my cave. Worked pretty darn well.

 

[kkkk_eeeeee]

Ain't no school like the old school.

 

[leevuslon]

Something just struck me as I was reading over the thread.

Noone has brought up whether the TS has the same problem with guys. I mean if this guy can "only" approach women what does that say about his Social skills overall? How many friends does this guy have of ANY sort? How many folks need to pop a couple to be able to talk with ANYONE? Does the TS have any sort of active Social life beyond wanting to make time with the woman he's mentioned? Does he view EVERYONE as merely individuals to be "acted on" rather than individuals to be interacted with?

Maybe we're not intersted in actually targeting the question, eh?

Better to always keep it light, right? Sheesh.

Best Wishes,

Bruce

 

[arunmdhvn]

What's a TS?

 

[Crypt]

Bingo!! Got this all the time when I was teaching Hapkido at the local Community College. And remember, I have MA uniforms at home that were older than most of these kids!! They had little or no idea about what it meant to actually relate to others so there were always substitutions of "worshpfulness" and wonder for anything truly productive.

I'm one of those fortunate few who lucked out and married my best friend. The day starts out with a couple of cups of coffee, solving the world's problems, extolling our idea of what Life is about and so forth. That does not include evenings with a glass of wine out on the deck or watching pot-luck on the television. Best Buds.


@Crow: TS = "Thread starter" AKA OP = "Opneing Poster"

Best Wishes,

Bruce

 

[DevynC]

Target Subject?



Damn... so close!

 

[sltlelvleln]

LOL, why do you always make me work so hard?

It doesnt have to. Lets play the "what if" came so many like to play? What if she bumped into him at a local shop selling coffee or lunch? Hey, OR a CHARITY SHOP?? *GASP* Now they could talk to each other "Hey, don't I know you? The other night! That was you!" Laughs and giggles ensue, ice breaks, romance blossoms... I throw up a little in my mouth, its all good.

If he just handed over the number, she might have dismissed it out of hand the next day when she made up with the boyfriend and tossed it.

Walking into a charity shop to browse doesnt make you a creep. If THATS the case they have my photo up at BestBuy, every local antique shop, Goodwill and Salvation army stores in my area warning employees about the guy who comes in and never buys anything. It's ok to browse. Now, if he goes in EXPRESSLY to follow her around and try to talk to her, epic fail.

Although, maybe he WILL buy something, we don't know. What if he sees a pair of shoes he likes? We can sit here and spin this out detail for detail and get no where. I wasnt trying to break this down to that level.

I've dated 4 women I met while they were at work. Two from restaurants who were my waitresses, 1 who worked a at a grocery store, and 1 who worked the desk at the gym I went to. Thats the BEST place to talk to someone if you have the ability to have a conversation. I've also met both of my wives AT WORK. LBR, you lose this one my friend. Seriously. That point is mine.

As far as her saying no. Hat admitted to having NO confidence, no experience and a hard time, why do ANYTHING that will increase his chance for failure? We should be removing any and all stumbling blocks we can for the guy, not just telling him to take his shot and face the cannons.

 

[AnnaBanana]

That was the state of mind I was in. After my first divorce I was only 26 (got married at 20). I figured I had nothing to lose. I was just going to do my thing and if someone came into my life I found interesting I'd deal with that then.

To be honest, one of the greatest ways to meet people is to bring the party with you. I'd go out with a group of guys from the gym, 4 or 5 meatheads all crowded around a table at the local hooters talking smack and laughing our butts off attracts a LOT of attention, lol. But then we'd be kind to the servers, and waitresses, polite and sincere, "thank you" and "if its not too much trouble could you please". I raise my hand to God and swear on all I find holy that there were nights when we'd have waitresses from OTHER tables as well as our own gathered around us, rubbing our shoulders or fetching our drinks. We weren't hitting on them and they appreciated that. We were just there to have fun. We got to know them well and once that happened we were separated from the rest of the guys that came in there and ogled them. We'd get seated the minute we walked in and asked who we wanted to wait on us. We'd call all the servers and waitresses by name and them us. We even helped BUS BEER one night to help the manager out - LOL!!! It was great. And it wasn't long before we could have dated any waitress in the joint - even the ones with boyfriends. One of my buddies did that, stole the girl away from her BF of a year or so. I think they almost got married, if memory serves.

It happened everywhere we went. Its how I got started bouncing. I became a regular at a club in the city. Got to know the bartenders and bouncers so well they knew us by name and let us pretty much do what we wanted. One day a bouncer had to leave after an altercation and it was busy as hell. Harris, the head bouncer, jokingly asked me if I wanted to get paid to watch chicks. I said I'd love to bounce for him. 20 minutes later I had a radio, a shirt and a timecard.

Bring the party with you and the world relaxes a bit it seems. Being genuine while NOT on the prowl removes any sense of creeper and lets folks peek into your life a little, from a distance, so its safe. If they like what they see they'll engage you, if they dont you probably wont even notice.

Checking out a local shop on the regular is fine provided you engage the staff. "'Scuze me? Do you happen to have any brown shoes in an 11?"
"Why yes, we have some back here."
"Fabulous! I bet I walked past them three times already."
*laugh* "here they are."
"These are neat. What do you think from a woman's perspective? Cool or too chavy?"

Now, you dont buy them. Ask how often they get new shoes in. She wont know. But say you'll be back next week to see what they have. Meanwhile, would she mind setting aside anything cool she sees coming in.

Done. Deal.

 

[vixxx]

mikey i told ya u post substance and not just crap or funny comedy.

btw i hate the numbers thing. Girls don't want to be rated like a movie! she's a one, she's a 8, i wont date anybody less than a 8...Grow up!

 

[armysniper076]

NEVER!

 

[krissyl]

[No message]

 

[matrix]

I better watch it or else people might start taking me seriously!

 

[myredneckg]

and that wouldnt be good.

 

[bigdaddymentor]

Or that the material does not work for everyone, on everyone. I've heard a lot people such as yourself just write it off as "doing it wrong," as if the material is somehow infallible.

I think one of the main problems with this PUA stuff is that they are making it out to be more difficult than it really is.




You don't get bonus points for flair, so there isn't really a need to worry much about how you get it done.





But you've at least read the material. It's like reading a karate book and then saying you know how to fight. It doesn't really work that way.






Now you are just playing semantics. My point is that dealing with someone you are not very attracted to is not the same as dealing with someone who you are really attracted to. To further the MA analogy it's like sparring a bunch of yellow belts to get up the confidence to spar against a blackbelt.





I believe it has, it certainly helps me out. It takes the pressure off. You go from the mindset of getting the girl to like you, to having the mindset of just relaxing and having a good time.

 

[LalaL]

I'm a little short on time so I will address this one phrase for now.

No it isn't the same. Karate you would be reading a book on how to do something physical. When I read the game books on neuro linguistic programming, cold reading or psychology in general, I have some form of understanding on this and I can apply this be able to read people better, notice actions and reactions and just test it out a little. I don't know what you have read or what the books claimed to do for you. But the ones I read did exactly what it said on the tin. They never claimed to turn you into James Bond, just some practices based on NLP, some tried and tested methods that might help peacock yourself, get attention, start more conversations. It did exactly that. So I don't understand what you were expecting when reading a PUA book or why you think it is "absolute turd". Could you give me an example something that you read in a PUA book, what book it was, what it suggested, what you did and how it panned out for you to judge they are useless?

I gave the game to a friend he was intrigued by the idea of peacocking, so he dressed like a pirate, and went around a club going arrrgh, he was talking crap and laughing nervously nd not confident in what he was doing, and he completely misunderstood the concept of a neg, and said stupid things to his "target" like oh your arms are fat hehe, your hair looks like you try to hard, then he asked her if she wanted to dance she was like :s no thanks.

Is this something you did and tried?

 

[Raina]

Who said that was the only quality I am looking for? I don't have telepathy, so until I go and actually talk to her I have no way of knowing if she is intelligent, funny, ect... or a complete dud.





I didn't suggest any of those highlighted, and I actually agree with what you said after. You just need to go in, chat and get her contact info. This isn't rocket science like others are making it out to be.

 

[BBB]

I read a lot of DavidD's stuff. I tried to apply it but a lot of the time it just felt robotic and came off unnaturally. I also think the philosophy and strategies put forward by these PUA guru's have you put women on a pedestal, even when they say you shouldn't.

And I've never dressed as a Pirate.