I'm very shy and my older sister is not. My sister is very petty and dramatic and I for the most-part cannot stand gossip! We have very little in common and I feel like our relationship is barely there. I cannot trust her because she talks about everyone behind their back and most of my memories growing up include her stirring up trouble in my life (spreading rumors, telling my secrets, turning friends against me, etc.). Even though she's 30 years old this is still the case. There are even small things like EVERY time I'm talking about something she interrupts and changes the subject. Thinking the only way I can get past this is to talk about it I've tried several times throughout our lives to let her know how I truly feel and she ends up turning things around so that I'm the antagonistic bully. When it comes to dealing with people I try to be as reasonable as possible and not play the victim in all other situations but when it comes to this relationship I am filled with resentment. The most frustating thing is not just the things she's done or the way she acts but that she gets away with it. This is so terrible but it's come to the point where I become really jealous when I see that people are happy for her and support her. Even though it's most likely because I'm more shy, when people want to talk to her over me or seem more interested in her life I feel so angry towards her. I don't want to feel this way about anyone. I would love to be able to stop focusing on being resentful towards her and focus on being a better person myself or even on having a healthy relationship with my sister but I've been trying unsuccessfully for the last 28 years.
HELP!
HELP!