...at home or family functions.? I've done something to anger my husband but i'm not sure exactly what, and although i have asked for forgiveness and have been sweet and non demanding and trying to do all the christian things i can think of, he still seems to be pulling away from me. I have read all the latest christian books on saving your marriage and now I am at a loss. Let me say he is FIlipino. How long should I go before I give up? No one can seem to be able to tell me how long FIlipinos stay angry. I know he's trying to hurt me when I never meant to hurt him. Oh i've read books on Filipino culture too. we've been married 12 years and have a lot of stress in our lives that doesn't help. It's been 4 months since he blew up when I asked him what was wrong. He said I embarrassed him and i didn't listen to him. I have been quiet and have not tried to press him for answers or conversation but I feel like we're drifting further apart. Please someone who has experience with Filipinos can you offer me any advice? I would be so grateful to you. Thank you in advance
I angered my husband by complaining that he didn't spend any time with me except...
MissScarlet
New member
- Feb 22, 2009
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How does he mean you embarrassed him? Have you been around his family lately? My mom is Filipino, so I know some about the culture. I was raised in the US, though, so I also have that "ignorant American" outlook as well. 
I do know, for a fact, that Filipinos are very big about 'keeping face' around their families. For example, my parents always fought a lot when I was growing up, and even now. My dad is an alcoholic, and he even becomes abusive. He hardly even had a job, and my mom was our sole income. HOWEVER, my mom would NEVER mention any of this to her family - not the way he treated her, not his alcoholism, nothing. Even when he traveled all the way to the Philippines when we went to visit only to make a fool out of himself acting the way he does in front of them, my mom still would admit it to her family. Since we didn't have much money, my brother and I didn't have very many toys or anything growing up, but my mom would always buy toys to mail to our cousins in the Philippines. She would also send them all of our old toys and clothes, etc. One reason her and my father fought a lot was because she would always send money to her family even though she has sisters who make more money than we do. She would never admit it, but I've come to believe it's a matter of pride. It's the dream of the Filipinos to leave the country and be successful. Women are expected to marry rich Americans, get their citizenship, and make lots of money. My mom tried to do that and failed somewhere along the way, but she's still trying to make it look like she's successful by throwing money around when she shouldn't and trying to coverup my dad's acts. ANYWAY, I know that's a long story, but I just wanted to share it with you so that maybe you can think back to see if maybe there was something you said or did in front of his family that may have made him look undesirable in some way. There's something missing here.
Anyway, I would try to talk to him again. Don't keep apologizing, but don't be stubborn either. Being quiet isn't going to help anything. You need to be able to communicate with each other.
I hope everything works out for you.
I do know, for a fact, that Filipinos are very big about 'keeping face' around their families. For example, my parents always fought a lot when I was growing up, and even now. My dad is an alcoholic, and he even becomes abusive. He hardly even had a job, and my mom was our sole income. HOWEVER, my mom would NEVER mention any of this to her family - not the way he treated her, not his alcoholism, nothing. Even when he traveled all the way to the Philippines when we went to visit only to make a fool out of himself acting the way he does in front of them, my mom still would admit it to her family. Since we didn't have much money, my brother and I didn't have very many toys or anything growing up, but my mom would always buy toys to mail to our cousins in the Philippines. She would also send them all of our old toys and clothes, etc. One reason her and my father fought a lot was because she would always send money to her family even though she has sisters who make more money than we do. She would never admit it, but I've come to believe it's a matter of pride. It's the dream of the Filipinos to leave the country and be successful. Women are expected to marry rich Americans, get their citizenship, and make lots of money. My mom tried to do that and failed somewhere along the way, but she's still trying to make it look like she's successful by throwing money around when she shouldn't and trying to coverup my dad's acts. ANYWAY, I know that's a long story, but I just wanted to share it with you so that maybe you can think back to see if maybe there was something you said or did in front of his family that may have made him look undesirable in some way. There's something missing here.
Anyway, I would try to talk to him again. Don't keep apologizing, but don't be stubborn either. Being quiet isn't going to help anything. You need to be able to communicate with each other.
I hope everything works out for you.