I don't know how to forgive...?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Julian Carlo M
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Julian Carlo M

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that might sound weird but when i was 7 (im 15 now) my parents got divorced, my mom cheated on my dad with 2 guys and when i was on vacation moved one of them and still lives with us. My mom used to tell me that my dad used to beat us (not true, i'd remember), and she is trying to take my dads money in a trial for child support even though the child wasn't living with her but she was living with him....i know that most of that happened a long time ago but i have honestly lost all respect for her. I can't even smile at her anymore. I am just so cold without even realizing it. i know how mean and unfair i'm being but i can't help it! I don't really show any affection to her, and i know in a way she deserves it but i feel bad. how do i forgive? i just can't. It's not easy for me....so much has happened and she ruined our family but still....i shouldn't be holdign grudges.I need help!
 
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Julie D

Guest
I certainly don't blame you. You have every right to be reluctant to forgive your mother. First, your mother has to ask you to forgive her for all the pain she caused. If she hasn't recognized how wrong she was, there is just no sense in you forgiving her. She may not even think she did the wrong thing. Try to let it go. Study hard in school and I hope you have a friend with whom you can confide in. That certainly helps. You might also ask in the school office to speak with the counselor. That will also help. Good luck, dear.
 
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julie e

Guest
I know this must be hard for you, but you do need to forgive, and not for her but for yourself. When you dont forgive it changes who you are and you carry around hate, and its not healthy for you. Forgiving is such a tricky matter because you never forget. but i think honestly maybe get some counseling because i think its at the point where its affecting your life. Maybe you and your mom could do some family counseling,so you can both leave the past in the past..I hope everything works out for you.Good luck
 
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JULIAN H

Guest
You pray to God to forgive the ones that have wronged you and then you in return are forgiven of your wrongs. Just works that way dear.Once you have prayed and asked for forgiveness you let it go, it is then in God's hands and exactly where he wants you to put all your troubles and woes.Choose not to forgive and you carry around a load on your shoulders that seems to get heavier as time goes by. The grudges you hold affect you more than the one you seem to think wronged you. Let it go. It is the past and there is not much you can do to change what happened in the past. But you have control of your life and future and you can control that.
 
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JulianD

Member
You have a right to feel betrayed. When she cheated on your father she cheated on YOU as well! Unless she has asked for forgiveness you have no obligation to forgive her. What she has done is WRONG!!! If she wasn't happy with her marriage to your father she should've talked to him about it and filed for legal separation before ever having relations with another man. I lived through something similar as a child and I feel so strongly about this. You love your mom but feel a bit guilty for also hating her for breaking your family apart. YOUR feelings are valid. She's the mother and your well being should have been her primary concern. So sad that wasn't the case. As human beings we all make mistakes. However when someone does wrong they need to ratify the situation they need to make amends for the wrong they did. Till those steps are taken you are under no obligation to forgive anyone. Peace&Love be with you...~M~P.S. Prayer Is ALWAYS a GOOD thing!
 
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juliad529

Member
You may need distance for a while, but as you mature yourself, you may learn that marital relationships are very complicated, and there were perhaps stressors in your mother's life and situation that drove her into the behavior she had . That is, things may have been more complicated, and anyway, the situation between your mother and father was *not* directed toward you. I had a miserable childhood and young adulthood because of a complicated situation with my mother. I was into my 30s and trying to get my own head on straight when I learned why my mother behaved in a certain way when I was a child, and it changed things for me and helped me understand her and myself and forgive. Hopefully, you will be able to sort things out, too.
 
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