i love my boyfriend, but constantly fantasize about meeting someone else. Pls...

[SallyOnetwothree]

...help!!!? My boyfriend and I have been together 2.7 years...its a long time -- since i was in high school!

He swept me off my feet, and i immediately fell for him. Unfortunately, he became more and more abusive until finally after 1.5 years he saw the problem and started going to counseling. He seriously changed and became...perfect. He changed his appearance to look like a kpop star, started buying me expensive gifts all the time and flowers, giving me massages when I sit down, and being very clingy and in love.

I love him, but I always feel this emptiness...when i think of my dream man, he is different than my boyfriend. My "fantasy man" is an older japanese man (not old though, but like 35ish) , spiritual, sweet, and a bit eccentric. corny jokes and fun.

My boyfriend has always been there for me, through ups and downs. I feel he deserves better than me, but I doubt he would believe it if I told him.

Why do I constantly fantasize about someone else made-up in my head if my boyfriend is so perfect? pls help...

 

[Nick]

Excessive fantasising is a component of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. If this has existed in other areas of your life, I would highly recommend you see a counselor. OCD has many routes of expression and not all of them are traditional symptoms. With that in mind, issue has little to do with your boyfriend I believe.

 

[AlaynaHanson]

Sounds like you fell in love with someone who wasn't good for you but that doesn't matter when you love someone does it? Your heart and brain don't always communicate so this new version of your boyfriend isn't someone you know. It would be like going into a club and meeting someone who was attracted to you but you don't know them and aren't attracted to them in return. They seem sooo nice but it just isn't there for you. Get the picture I am trying to show you? It isn't your fault you loved an abusive person and it doesn't mean that guys that are abusive are who you are attracted to. It means your heart chose him and now you aren't attracted to this stranger. No, he won't believe he deserves better because he loves you. Don't you deserve better? You deserve to be with the one person that makes you feel complete and good about yourself. You will end up hurting him deeper if you stay longer than if you end it now. It isn't fair to either of you.