I want to get the fuck out of my house I hate being in this place so much, how do...

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ryu

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...I leave with no money? it bugs the shit out of me that my mom is always worrying where I go. It pisses me off that my dad doesn't fucking know how to talk to me. I'm 24 years old and am treated like a little child. I want to leave and get far away from this fucking house. But everytime I try something always gets in the fucking way. I've tried every year and every year something has happened where I can't leave. I don't know what the fuck it is. I've had it living with my parents and grandma. They are way way too controlling, there is absolutly no privacy in this house nor is there a lock on my fucking door. I can't escape this horrific nightmare of what I call a life everyday. I hate the person I am because I am stuck doing nothing with my life and held down in shackles trying to get away, run away, and yet its the guilt, condemnation, the worrying, the fear my parents instill in me that I cannot leave. Its the anger and frustration and sorrow in myself that Makes me SCREAM and YELL inside my head everyday that tells me to get the fuck away from this shit hole. I guess I'm a little afraid that if I leave I won't know where to go, what to do, how to live. I need guidence I need advice from people have been through the shit and can claim they live a life of beauty and peace and happiness and prosperity. HELP ME please! I need Assistance to my insanity that plagues my concience.
 
Leave without money? You need money & at 24 you gotta have something coming in surely? Just walk out the door ... stay in a hostel if you have to ... any cheap accomodation, find a job & go from there. Your independence can only be gained by you actually taking a step & doing it yourself ... stop making excuses & just do it.
 
hahaha to the people who go "wow." because I know exactly what you're talking about and I go through it too. your parents baby/control/emotionally abuse you and then you grow up feeling young or emotinally stunted, and feel stuck forever.

I managed to leave twice but life kept pulling me back into the shitting house. Thing is, first time I left it was definitely scary, and I went through a weird depression that is typical after you are removed from your 'comfort zone'. but the thing is, you get use to your new life and you realize your 'comfort zone' actually sucked balls and life is better + more exciting when you're living in the real world without control freaks planning your life and/or caring about your every step

true you enter a world where no one really gives a crap about you, but at the end of the day, it inspires you to be stronger!

the second time I left I definitely learned how to cope better, and I started developing independently, I feel like I kind of have my own personality now, and life seems limitless, dangerous and exciting, anything can happen! and I love it

unfortunately, I had to move back to the house AGAIN and I'm there now! but every time I feel like I'm going crazy (because my family is full of psychological problems + aggression, the works) I just talk to my parents like I talk to anyone else , Ie: "don't talk to me like that please' "I don't appreciate being disrespected" , "Hey, how are you?"
etc...
it teaches your parents that you are actually responsible, self-aware and capable human being rather than their child that needs to be taken care of 24/7 !

I mean, Of course this technique doesn't work all the time, there are those days where my parents are being emotionally draining and I just want to kill myself rather than deal with crazy 3year old adults, BUT I always remember that theres an outside world! I leave the house, I go socialize, I go to my job (if I have it, right now I'm looking!) I make plans for the future (I'm going to backpack in england this summer and I already bought my tickets so theres no going back!) I treat myself (get dolled up and go out to a club with my friends)

I've definitely lived an annoying life. I'm 20, never had a boyfriend because my parents were crazy overprotective, studied for 3 years for this major that I finally realized I'm not even interested in it and I just did it to please my parents (wasted 3 years on this) and are emotionally abusive all the time , like my dad who throws temper tanttrums like a toddler andan incredibly overprotective but clueless mother who doesn't like it when her children leave the house and criticizes their looks all the time! (when I was growing up I wasn't allowed to go to sleepovers, stuff like that) Oh, and my little sister lives here too and she just turned 18 and throws crazy violents tantrums that makes the whole house go crazy

BUT I DON'T LET IT GET ME DOWN. because at the end of the day, I'm better than all this, and I know it .

it feels so good to know that I'm the most normal one of the family, that I turned out polite and charming and driven and seemingly uncomplicated despite all the crazy ness I've been raised in. situations that would have made anyone else just want to give up and I have people in my life who love me because I"M GREAT! Plus, whenver I see my friends living their own independent lives and I'm jealous, I just think, well if they were raised with my parents they'd be in my situation too, except WORSE

hahaha. basically, force some self confidence on yourself, because its essential when you've been raised with parents like yours, and without it, you will not survive because it doesn't seem like you've got anything else to fall back on

get out. go get a job. sell some stuff for money. find people on craigslist where you can go couch surf. live the life of a penniless adventurer for a while, it'll teach you self-dependence and freedom



also, email me if you want to vent more, because its nice to know you're going through it too, lol
 
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