I'm applying for a field trip, comment my essay please?

triplethreat845

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Capitol Forum

Collaborating with students of all different diversities, discussing pertinent issues of the future, and having the opportunity to become a more informed American are among the reasons I would like to participate in Capitol Forum.

Capitol Forum would give me a chance to discuss relevant issues with students from all across Illinois. The variety of cultures and background I would encounter would give me the opportunity to learn how to work efficiently with all kinds of people who may have different ideas than I do. Cooperating with all types of people is a vital skill I will need to participate in college discussions and have a successful occupation in the future. I feel that Capitol Forum would be a great way for me to truly understand the meaning of teamwork.

Participating in Capitol Forum would also benefit me because I am highly interested in a career in law, which involves debating on a daily basis. Discussing the issues would give me practice at debating respectfully with all types of people. This would help me decide if the career path I am considering is something I want to pursue.

Throughout the Capitol Forum experience, I would also get the chance to learn about significant international issues that are important to the United States now and in the future. I want to go to Capitol Forum because the issues being discussed are interesting to me, and the decisions made about them will affect the rest of my life. I want the opportunity to hear ideas from other students and contribute some of my own as to how these issues should be handled because the students I would be working with are perhaps the future law makers and politicians of the United States. I feel like I would have the chance to make a difference and take an active role in debating on possible solutions to the many problems our nation faces.

In addition, Capitol Forum would also give me the chance to become a more informed citizen. I believe that many of the problems our country faces are due to a lack of information. When voters take to the ballots, they may not truly understand the impact of their choices. By participating in Capitol Forum and actually understanding the issues our country faces, I can play a more active role in government in the future. When it comes time to vote on action plans for these issues, I will better understand the problem and the advantages to solutions of that problem. Being an informed citizen is beneficial to not only me, but the entire country as well.

All in all, I would like to be a part of Capitol Forum because of the once in a lifetime opportunities this experience has to offer. From actually sitting in the chairs where Illinois legislators discuss and make policy, to having the chance to deliberate with local legislators about international issues, to making a presentation in front of hundreds of other students about a topic I am truly passionate about, I think this experience would be something I would appreciate for the rest of my life.




I'm a sophomore in high school and am applying for a field trip and we had to write an essay on why we wanted to go and what we would take from it. I know my introduction is short but I felt like it was to the point, I'm not sure what I could add to it. If you have any comments I would love to hear them because I really want to go on this trip, and want my essay to be successful.
 
Your introduction, content and conclusion are well organized from start to finish. It shows a lot of thought put into grammatical structure, subject content and thereby flows from the opening to concluding sentence.

Good work. I'll be surprised if you don't get picked for Capitol Forum.
 
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