weaefefelee
New member
- May 6, 2010
- 2
- 0
- 1
So I watched Katy Perry's Thinking of you music video, and it got me thinking about last summer. My boyfriend broke up with me, and he said that it was just for the summer - but then he said that he didn't know. I went three months in the summer hoping that he would make up his mind, come visit me, send a letter, tell me he couldn't live without me in his life, it would be pointless! But none of that happened. He left me there with false hope. I wanted more than anything just to hear his voice.
I was at my dad's for the summer because my parents are divorced, and that was visiting time according to the court. My mother and I weren't on the the best of terms, and on top of that, she didn't let me take my phone up north so i could contact people. I saved up all the money that I could, because I can't get a job - nobody hires any more. Instead of spending it on a payphone, I went to Wal-Mart, and got a pay-as-you-go phone. I had his number memorized. When it was activated, he was the first person I called.
When he answered, his "Hello?" was a tad slurred. But that was okay because I didn't really mind that he drank. He'd done that and smoked pot for as long as I could recall. It was part of who he was, and who was I to take that away from him?
Anyway... So he answered, drunk, and with his friends. He never liked talking with everyone around, but I hadn't heard him for a month or so. I remember I was crying, but trying to keep my voice steady when I spoke. I can't remember what was said, but I know I tried to keep it casual. I kept it like that for a while, until one night I broke down in tears. I called him sobbing uncontrollably, and he didn't seem to care. All he wanted to do was calm me down, probably so he didn't have to listen to annoying Jay crying and pouring her heart out on the other end of the phone. It was too much, and I was being clingy. But what do you expect someone to do when you're the first person they've had a real relationship with, first person they had sex with, and first person to drag it on in the end? I mean common! I thought I was pregnant at one point! How was I NOT supposed to be clingy?? Eh... shit happens... on with the story...
As summer went on, I ran out of minutes on the phone, and I didn't have money to replenish the minutes with. I resorted to writing my ex, my best friend at the time, and his best friend (who is also my good friend) letters. Although I'd never sent them out, they meant a great deal to me. I still had them until I decided that I shouldn't look at them any more, threw them into the trash bin, and watched my brother walk it down to the end of the driveway. When I got home, the bin was empty. I forget about them a lot now, but I still have the ones for my best friend at the time, and maybe my ex's best friend. I don't keep it for him, I keep it for the memories. It's nothing creepy.
I got back to my mother's house, and decided that the internet would be the best cure for all this summer suckness. Pretty soon, I found out it really was quite the opposite. My ex was online a lot. I tried talking to him as much as I could, and I'm sure he found it annoying. By then, he'd probably been with other girls, and just wanted me to get over him. He was annoyed and I could tell, but for whatever idiotic reason, I ignored it. I made things worse for myself. I was being selfish.
Soon, I made friends with kids from Ohio that my friend here knew. I loved talking to them because they kept my mind off of things here. This one kid, Ian, I really liked. We talked so much, and he made me so happy that he bumped me into the beginning of me getting over my ex. I, being the idiot I was, posted all over Facebook, "THANK YOU IAN FOR HELPING ME FORGET HIM!" I was so excited and happy, and I thought my ex might be too. But I was wrong again. He was just upset and negative about the entire thing.
He began yelling at me and saying things like, "Those things were important to me! Why would you want to forget something like that?" or something along those lines. I'm not completely sure. I felt terrible. I thought maybe he still did like me, and that I just ruined things up. We were just starting to get along again! Maybe I should never say a single word again, and maybe I should just forget about actually ever doing anything right! I'm impossibly stupid! What the hell is wrong with me?!
But yeh - that's my vent.. Thanks to those who read. Sorry if I seem crazy... I guess I am. Some people admire it, some don't. Just needed to let some stuff out.
<3
I was at my dad's for the summer because my parents are divorced, and that was visiting time according to the court. My mother and I weren't on the the best of terms, and on top of that, she didn't let me take my phone up north so i could contact people. I saved up all the money that I could, because I can't get a job - nobody hires any more. Instead of spending it on a payphone, I went to Wal-Mart, and got a pay-as-you-go phone. I had his number memorized. When it was activated, he was the first person I called.
When he answered, his "Hello?" was a tad slurred. But that was okay because I didn't really mind that he drank. He'd done that and smoked pot for as long as I could recall. It was part of who he was, and who was I to take that away from him?
Anyway... So he answered, drunk, and with his friends. He never liked talking with everyone around, but I hadn't heard him for a month or so. I remember I was crying, but trying to keep my voice steady when I spoke. I can't remember what was said, but I know I tried to keep it casual. I kept it like that for a while, until one night I broke down in tears. I called him sobbing uncontrollably, and he didn't seem to care. All he wanted to do was calm me down, probably so he didn't have to listen to annoying Jay crying and pouring her heart out on the other end of the phone. It was too much, and I was being clingy. But what do you expect someone to do when you're the first person they've had a real relationship with, first person they had sex with, and first person to drag it on in the end? I mean common! I thought I was pregnant at one point! How was I NOT supposed to be clingy?? Eh... shit happens... on with the story...
As summer went on, I ran out of minutes on the phone, and I didn't have money to replenish the minutes with. I resorted to writing my ex, my best friend at the time, and his best friend (who is also my good friend) letters. Although I'd never sent them out, they meant a great deal to me. I still had them until I decided that I shouldn't look at them any more, threw them into the trash bin, and watched my brother walk it down to the end of the driveway. When I got home, the bin was empty. I forget about them a lot now, but I still have the ones for my best friend at the time, and maybe my ex's best friend. I don't keep it for him, I keep it for the memories. It's nothing creepy.
I got back to my mother's house, and decided that the internet would be the best cure for all this summer suckness. Pretty soon, I found out it really was quite the opposite. My ex was online a lot. I tried talking to him as much as I could, and I'm sure he found it annoying. By then, he'd probably been with other girls, and just wanted me to get over him. He was annoyed and I could tell, but for whatever idiotic reason, I ignored it. I made things worse for myself. I was being selfish.
Soon, I made friends with kids from Ohio that my friend here knew. I loved talking to them because they kept my mind off of things here. This one kid, Ian, I really liked. We talked so much, and he made me so happy that he bumped me into the beginning of me getting over my ex. I, being the idiot I was, posted all over Facebook, "THANK YOU IAN FOR HELPING ME FORGET HIM!" I was so excited and happy, and I thought my ex might be too. But I was wrong again. He was just upset and negative about the entire thing.
He began yelling at me and saying things like, "Those things were important to me! Why would you want to forget something like that?" or something along those lines. I'm not completely sure. I felt terrible. I thought maybe he still did like me, and that I just ruined things up. We were just starting to get along again! Maybe I should never say a single word again, and maybe I should just forget about actually ever doing anything right! I'm impossibly stupid! What the hell is wrong with me?!
But yeh - that's my vent.. Thanks to those who read. Sorry if I seem crazy... I guess I am. Some people admire it, some don't. Just needed to let some stuff out.
<3
