Introduction to persuasive essay? Corrections/Criticisms of...

Ryan

Active member
...grammar/style/content etc.? Too wordy? How to fix? The entire world is in an economic recession, and each country has felt the devastating effects. Here in America, money has become tighter, jobs fewer, and food prices have gone up considerably. The current financial slowdown has probably prompted many a shopper to think twice about buying a brand new Ipod, and many more to forgo a purchase of that nature altogether. However, as citizens of an astoundingly wealthy, industrialized nation, if we believe that our current situation is disappointingly inopportune, then we would be greatly mistaken. Not only would we be mistaken, we would also be extremely foolish to lament over our petty woes when millions of people in developing countries live--and often die-- in a state of perpetual poverty, under deplorable conditions. In fact, according to the MilleniumProject commissioned by the United Nations, nearly four billion people live in poverty. The result has left some countries stupendously rich while others remain horrendously poor. It is for that very reason that the wealthy, industrialized nations should adopt a policy in which they share a portion of their wealth with the undeveloped world, a policy from which there could be many beneficiaries.
 
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