Air Force Recruiter
SoldierHello there, would you like to sign up for the Air Force?
ShaneI am not positive I will be able to reach a plausible conclusion to my original hypothesis. I need to ascertain sufficient data of the Air Force’s weaponry to reach a valid conclusion.
SoldierThat would be quite alright.
Shane I would like to know if the Air Force is currently flying X-Wings? If they were adequate enough to destroy the Death Star, they must be worthy for the Air Force.
Soldier I’m sorry, no, not yet at least.
Shane How about TIE Fighters? I actually recently made this past weekend a Lego replica of Darth Vader’s personal TIE Fighter. (Takes Lego out of backpack and flies it around) “I have you now!” (In Darth Vader voice)
SoldierNo, not that either. You have to realize kid, Star Wars is fictional.
ShaneThat is quite alright you don’t have those spacecrafts, but is it a good thing to be adept at video game flight simulators.
SoldierIf it’s something cool like Call of Duty or something?
Shane O God no! I never quite liked Call of Duty. Gave me the willies searching through those houses. You’re happily walking in a French countryside home admiring the beautiful artwork when a German shoots you. Quite frightening.
Soldier So what game, kid? Please say something militaristic.
Shane Star Wars Battlefront II. I am able to defeat an entire fleet of the wicked General Grievous single-handedly with just a Jedi Starfighter.
Soldier(Sigh)
[Pause]
Shane Excuse me?
SoldierWhat?
Shane Could you complete this analogy? If you do, it will be become quite clear what an asset I would be to the Air Force.
SoldierI would be ecstatic to. (Sarcastically)
ShaneWas that sarcasm?
SoldierNo, not at all. (Sarcastically)
ShaneOh, well I’m not quite good at that. Ok so… I am to Aircraft Flying as Mace Windu is to …
SoldierBeing a geek prick?
Shane No? Lightsaber dueling. Let me explain it to you. You see Mace Windu was widely considered to be the greatest duelist in the Jedi Order and I-
SoldierPlease go. The Air Force doesn’t want you.
Shane That’s a shame. Do you know when the Army is coming to this school? I would love to know if they are close to authorizing infantry to wield lightsabers. I have been trained in the Jedi arts. (Takes out lightsaber)
Sex Ed Class
TeacherNow class when the penis-
Matthew (Raises Hand)
Teacher Yes Matthew?
Matthew What’s a penis?
TeacherIt’s the thing that is below the belt of a boy. Now it’s alright if you don’t have one, we would then call you a hermaphrodite.
MathewOh, so it’s a wiener.
Teacher No, Mathew, a wiener is something tasty you eat.
Mathew Now I understand.
Teacher That’s great Mathew.
MathewBoy, my dad sure eats a lot of wieners then. One time when my mom wasn’t home, I walked in on him in the basement watching a video of a man eating a wiener. He pays A LOT of money to eat a wiener sometimes. Last night, my dad was bragging to his friends about a five dollar foot long he ate. He was saying how you never get that kind of value in these tough economic times. He eats them in the shower, in his bedroom, in the living room, in the basement, in a parked car in an alley way… Mr. Harrington, who are you calling?
TeacherThe school psychologist… you better write yourself out a pass.
Which one is better?
SoldierHello there, would you like to sign up for the Air Force?
ShaneI am not positive I will be able to reach a plausible conclusion to my original hypothesis. I need to ascertain sufficient data of the Air Force’s weaponry to reach a valid conclusion.
SoldierThat would be quite alright.
Shane I would like to know if the Air Force is currently flying X-Wings? If they were adequate enough to destroy the Death Star, they must be worthy for the Air Force.
Soldier I’m sorry, no, not yet at least.
Shane How about TIE Fighters? I actually recently made this past weekend a Lego replica of Darth Vader’s personal TIE Fighter. (Takes Lego out of backpack and flies it around) “I have you now!” (In Darth Vader voice)
SoldierNo, not that either. You have to realize kid, Star Wars is fictional.
ShaneThat is quite alright you don’t have those spacecrafts, but is it a good thing to be adept at video game flight simulators.
SoldierIf it’s something cool like Call of Duty or something?
Shane O God no! I never quite liked Call of Duty. Gave me the willies searching through those houses. You’re happily walking in a French countryside home admiring the beautiful artwork when a German shoots you. Quite frightening.
Soldier So what game, kid? Please say something militaristic.
Shane Star Wars Battlefront II. I am able to defeat an entire fleet of the wicked General Grievous single-handedly with just a Jedi Starfighter.
Soldier(Sigh)
[Pause]
Shane Excuse me?
SoldierWhat?
Shane Could you complete this analogy? If you do, it will be become quite clear what an asset I would be to the Air Force.
SoldierI would be ecstatic to. (Sarcastically)
ShaneWas that sarcasm?
SoldierNo, not at all. (Sarcastically)
ShaneOh, well I’m not quite good at that. Ok so… I am to Aircraft Flying as Mace Windu is to …
SoldierBeing a geek prick?
Shane No? Lightsaber dueling. Let me explain it to you. You see Mace Windu was widely considered to be the greatest duelist in the Jedi Order and I-
SoldierPlease go. The Air Force doesn’t want you.
Shane That’s a shame. Do you know when the Army is coming to this school? I would love to know if they are close to authorizing infantry to wield lightsabers. I have been trained in the Jedi arts. (Takes out lightsaber)
Sex Ed Class
TeacherNow class when the penis-
Matthew (Raises Hand)
Teacher Yes Matthew?
Matthew What’s a penis?
TeacherIt’s the thing that is below the belt of a boy. Now it’s alright if you don’t have one, we would then call you a hermaphrodite.
MathewOh, so it’s a wiener.
Teacher No, Mathew, a wiener is something tasty you eat.
Mathew Now I understand.
Teacher That’s great Mathew.
MathewBoy, my dad sure eats a lot of wieners then. One time when my mom wasn’t home, I walked in on him in the basement watching a video of a man eating a wiener. He pays A LOT of money to eat a wiener sometimes. Last night, my dad was bragging to his friends about a five dollar foot long he ate. He was saying how you never get that kind of value in these tough economic times. He eats them in the shower, in his bedroom, in the living room, in the basement, in a parked car in an alley way… Mr. Harrington, who are you calling?
TeacherThe school psychologist… you better write yourself out a pass.
Which one is better?