Is this a good introduction to my essay?!?

[Say'Ooraht']

In my 10th grade World History class I have to write an essay biography on Adolf Hitler, and his life as germany's dictator. It is focused on the personal hatred he had towards the Jewish and Europeans, and I named it "Loathe To Death". This is the introduction:

While some dictators kill for the sake of their beloved country, others kill to satisfy personal, seething hate. Adolf Hitler, dictator of Germany during the World War II era, set out for retribution against over 17 million innocents whom would be murdered upon his strict outer-nature requirements. Anger and despair are basic human emotions. But when these emotions are coupled with a broken mind, a perfect storm is created. Teetering on the edge of unbalance, this dictator resorted to murder when his hatred became to the point where he Loathed to Death.

 

[ShloriPoujee]

I think it sounds quite good! ..are you sure your in tenth grade? Haha
.. But:
- i dont think he nesicarily killed people just because of what they looked like (you can correct me on that if it's not true)
-before the word "But" there should be a , not a . and the B should be lowercase.
- for the last sentence i like everything up until the point where you say "loathed to death"... I know thats the name of the essay, but the sentence just sounds a bit uncomplete, like your just puting words there kind of for the sake of it. Maybe that last bit should be something about his own death. Which i've heard that he killed himself to avoid the trials, but i've also hear that he killed himself because he relized that he didnt fit the description of what he thought the perfect person to be, and also i've heard that he had a great grandparent or someone who was jewish. I'm not quite sure, but you could do something like that. For example:

..to the point where he relized that he was not perfect himself; in fact if he had been among the people, he too would have probably been killed.

(again i'm not sure if those facts are correct, but its just an idea)
Hope this helps!

 

[edisoncarterclone]

What do you mean by "set out for retribution"? Retribution for what? That seems kind of vague. I also don't know what you mean by "strict outer-nature requirements." Otherwise, it looks as if you have a good introduction for an essay that poses Hitler as unhinged by his hatred.

Btw, don't use capital letters inside the last sentence for "loathed to death." It looks forced. Your reader should "get it" without you having to draw attention to those words.