mmmmmmmmmƒmmmmmmmm
New member
- Dec 28, 2009
- 1
- 0
- 1
The first chapter of a book that I'm writing. Please give any suggestions for a title as I haven't some up with one yet. Not to give the rest of the plot away, but it is about a serial killer aimed at parents of teenagers.
Chapter One
As the mist fogged up the small window above the old, worn bookshelf in my room, I stared at the beautiful porcelain doll on my bedside table. It was cold and boring in our two bedroom house. Everything was silent except for the cool breeze flowing in through the crack underneath my door. How boring! But what was there to do an a stormy Tuesday evening? I called could call a friend and ask them out for dinner, but I wasn't not sure if any of my friends were well enough to go out with a freak influenza going around. I was lucky enough not to have caught it, otherwise I would have been trapped in my room for two weeks, even more boring.
I could prank call some suckers for a while, but what if I got caught, and the phone bill! Dad wouldn't be too happy about the bill. I decided that I would just go down to the living room and surf the channels of our 21”, extremely boring-looking TV.
As I slugged down the oak-based, rugged stairs, the front door opened and dad trailed himself into the kitchen, covered in dew and debris.
“Hey, Kat, how was your day?” He questioned, clearly focusing on something else.
“Extremely, incredibly uneventful. How about your shopping trip?”
“That was....okay.....I got a pair of sneakers and...a....a new suitcase....” he stuttered. I gave him a doubtful look and he looked away.
“Okay, it sucked! The lines were so long and I think I caught that stupid flu off someone. My egg role tasted like someone drenched in vinegar and they raised the price heaps on what I was going to get you for your birthday!”
“You know, Dad, you are such a bad liar!” I chuckled “And you know I don't want anything big for my birthday! A cake will do fine!”
“Aww, come on! What good is a birthday without presents? That's pretty much the whole point! Besides, I know what you want, you stick your diary, open, up on your wall and it's really noticeable! Anyways, why don't you take some soup over to Arythia's house and see how she's going? I'm sure she wouldn't mind a visit in her state!” He smiled. I loved my dad! He knew how to make you feel better even on the most boring, uneventful days.
“Sounds good! Problem is, I don't have any soup...”
He pulled out two sachets of chicken noodle soup and thrust them in front of me with shaking hands. I took them and nodded my head.
“Go and sit down while I make you a coffee, I think golf is on.”
He flickered through the channels until he found some new show that didn't interest me and played with something in the pocket of his trousers. Worried look on his face.
I started to make the soup and coffee at the same time. Rushing around our dark, tiled floors and digging through the double-sided refrigerator. Being busy, I didn't notice the reasonable loud thudding sound coming from the living room. I just kept on stirring the coffee, spinning the knobs on the stove, buttering bread. Then i picked up the coffee, placed it on a wooden tray and maneuvered it out into the room where my dad was. I put it on the coffee table and turned around to find him laying face first in our black leather lounge.
“Dad?” I frowned, tapping his right shoulder. When he didn't answe, I panicked.
“DAD!!!! HELLO? ANSWER ME, DAMNIT!!!”
Chapter Two
“Arythia! Open the door please! It's urgent!” I cried to my next door-neighbor. When her mother finally opened the door, her perfect face was grave and her eyes desperate.
“Err, good evening, Kathryn. Are the police outside yet?” she whispered, obviously in pain.
“Umm, no. Why?”
“Oh, Ian is unconscious. I can't get him to wake up! I've tried everything!” she burst out into tears and collapsed. I was in awe at this.
“ Oh, my dad is unconscious as well! I don't know what happened, I went to give him his coffee and he was just lying down and wouldn't wake up!” She stood up, still crying and invited me in. We waited for the police together in her old-fashion-styled living room. When the police arrived, they carried my dad and Arythia's dad to the ambulance on stretchers as we watched helplessly. The worse thing for me was that I didn't even have a mum to care for me while he was gone.
This is part of the second chptr. Better?
Please suggest titles! I want something sot of creative like
'Parenting At Knife Point' or something.
For them people who are saying the first part is unnecessary, you are very wrong. ALL of that first part is necessary for the plot. Almost every single line. The second chapter is much more interesting, though, as the plot starts to develop.
Chapter One
As the mist fogged up the small window above the old, worn bookshelf in my room, I stared at the beautiful porcelain doll on my bedside table. It was cold and boring in our two bedroom house. Everything was silent except for the cool breeze flowing in through the crack underneath my door. How boring! But what was there to do an a stormy Tuesday evening? I called could call a friend and ask them out for dinner, but I wasn't not sure if any of my friends were well enough to go out with a freak influenza going around. I was lucky enough not to have caught it, otherwise I would have been trapped in my room for two weeks, even more boring.
I could prank call some suckers for a while, but what if I got caught, and the phone bill! Dad wouldn't be too happy about the bill. I decided that I would just go down to the living room and surf the channels of our 21”, extremely boring-looking TV.
As I slugged down the oak-based, rugged stairs, the front door opened and dad trailed himself into the kitchen, covered in dew and debris.
“Hey, Kat, how was your day?” He questioned, clearly focusing on something else.
“Extremely, incredibly uneventful. How about your shopping trip?”
“That was....okay.....I got a pair of sneakers and...a....a new suitcase....” he stuttered. I gave him a doubtful look and he looked away.
“Okay, it sucked! The lines were so long and I think I caught that stupid flu off someone. My egg role tasted like someone drenched in vinegar and they raised the price heaps on what I was going to get you for your birthday!”
“You know, Dad, you are such a bad liar!” I chuckled “And you know I don't want anything big for my birthday! A cake will do fine!”
“Aww, come on! What good is a birthday without presents? That's pretty much the whole point! Besides, I know what you want, you stick your diary, open, up on your wall and it's really noticeable! Anyways, why don't you take some soup over to Arythia's house and see how she's going? I'm sure she wouldn't mind a visit in her state!” He smiled. I loved my dad! He knew how to make you feel better even on the most boring, uneventful days.
“Sounds good! Problem is, I don't have any soup...”
He pulled out two sachets of chicken noodle soup and thrust them in front of me with shaking hands. I took them and nodded my head.
“Go and sit down while I make you a coffee, I think golf is on.”
He flickered through the channels until he found some new show that didn't interest me and played with something in the pocket of his trousers. Worried look on his face.
I started to make the soup and coffee at the same time. Rushing around our dark, tiled floors and digging through the double-sided refrigerator. Being busy, I didn't notice the reasonable loud thudding sound coming from the living room. I just kept on stirring the coffee, spinning the knobs on the stove, buttering bread. Then i picked up the coffee, placed it on a wooden tray and maneuvered it out into the room where my dad was. I put it on the coffee table and turned around to find him laying face first in our black leather lounge.
“Dad?” I frowned, tapping his right shoulder. When he didn't answe, I panicked.
“DAD!!!! HELLO? ANSWER ME, DAMNIT!!!”
Chapter Two
“Arythia! Open the door please! It's urgent!” I cried to my next door-neighbor. When her mother finally opened the door, her perfect face was grave and her eyes desperate.
“Err, good evening, Kathryn. Are the police outside yet?” she whispered, obviously in pain.
“Umm, no. Why?”
“Oh, Ian is unconscious. I can't get him to wake up! I've tried everything!” she burst out into tears and collapsed. I was in awe at this.
“ Oh, my dad is unconscious as well! I don't know what happened, I went to give him his coffee and he was just lying down and wouldn't wake up!” She stood up, still crying and invited me in. We waited for the police together in her old-fashion-styled living room. When the police arrived, they carried my dad and Arythia's dad to the ambulance on stretchers as we watched helplessly. The worse thing for me was that I didn't even have a mum to care for me while he was gone.
This is part of the second chptr. Better?
Please suggest titles! I want something sot of creative like
'Parenting At Knife Point' or something.
For them people who are saying the first part is unnecessary, you are very wrong. ALL of that first part is necessary for the plot. Almost every single line. The second chapter is much more interesting, though, as the plot starts to develop.