This is a brief part of my climax scene, and I'm not sure it comes off as realistic. Could you please tell me what you think?
He slammed me into the wall and my head snapped back and hit the window sill hard, sending stars across my vision. I started to scream in pain, but Ryan’s hand wrapped around my throat and squeezed hard. I gasped frantically for a breath of air, but his fingers were too tight. With tears streaming down my cheeks, I started to panic.
“You stupid bitch,” He screamed in my face. “Don’t you dare say no to me again!”
His fingers squeezed tighter and I couldn’t think past the panic. I tried to pull his hand away from my throat, but when that didn’t work, I dug my fingers deep into his arm. I felt the skin tear under my nails, but he didn’t even flinch. No! This can’t be happening! I can’t breath! He’s gonna kill me!
I silently mouthed, “No! No!” over and over, and started hitting him. I landed a punch on his shoulder and then one on his chest, but he still wouldn’t let go. My head started to spin. Ignoring the pain in my ankle, I started kicking him.
“Stop fighting me!” He screamed. He slammed my head into the wall and pain shot through my skull. I felt sticky hot blood drip down my face and the room blurred in front of my eyes. A roaring sound drowned out his angry screams.
In one last attempt to get him to release me, I reached out and dug my nails into his cheek. I dug three deep gashes into his face and he screamed in pain. His fist slammed into my side and I heard a sickening crunch as my ribs cracked. I didn’t even feel the pain, I was too scared. My head was swimming and any minute I knew it would all be over. I felt the blackout coming as my eyelids got heavy. Just as the room started to fade away, Ryan let go of me. I doubled over, gasping for air, clutching my throat.
But he wasn’t finished.
-------------
So, realistic or no? If no, what should I change?
I've got the rest of the book (or everything I've written so far) here:
http://www.worthyofpublishing.com/book.asp?book_ID=6305
and would love any constructive criticism.
He slammed me into the wall and my head snapped back and hit the window sill hard, sending stars across my vision. I started to scream in pain, but Ryan’s hand wrapped around my throat and squeezed hard. I gasped frantically for a breath of air, but his fingers were too tight. With tears streaming down my cheeks, I started to panic.
“You stupid bitch,” He screamed in my face. “Don’t you dare say no to me again!”
His fingers squeezed tighter and I couldn’t think past the panic. I tried to pull his hand away from my throat, but when that didn’t work, I dug my fingers deep into his arm. I felt the skin tear under my nails, but he didn’t even flinch. No! This can’t be happening! I can’t breath! He’s gonna kill me!
I silently mouthed, “No! No!” over and over, and started hitting him. I landed a punch on his shoulder and then one on his chest, but he still wouldn’t let go. My head started to spin. Ignoring the pain in my ankle, I started kicking him.
“Stop fighting me!” He screamed. He slammed my head into the wall and pain shot through my skull. I felt sticky hot blood drip down my face and the room blurred in front of my eyes. A roaring sound drowned out his angry screams.
In one last attempt to get him to release me, I reached out and dug my nails into his cheek. I dug three deep gashes into his face and he screamed in pain. His fist slammed into my side and I heard a sickening crunch as my ribs cracked. I didn’t even feel the pain, I was too scared. My head was swimming and any minute I knew it would all be over. I felt the blackout coming as my eyelids got heavy. Just as the room started to fade away, Ryan let go of me. I doubled over, gasping for air, clutching my throat.
But he wasn’t finished.
-------------
So, realistic or no? If no, what should I change?
I've got the rest of the book (or everything I've written so far) here:
http://www.worthyofpublishing.com/book.asp?book_ID=6305
and would love any constructive criticism.
lol