Long copy/paste rants that don't address the question directly only: Why is there...

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Christian the Atheist

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...suffering in the world?
Man, I'm going to have a tough time picking Best Answer for this one.

Good thing I'm a fast reader.
 
You can TELL the true Slackmaster. He RANTS! Or not. The Master of Slack waits with a GRIN for Ragnarok and meanwhile knows he'll have Habafropzipulops, the Herb of the Gods and watch from the Saucers as the fullblood humans BURN! Now ARISE! I'm here to tell you, the Slackmaster says OR KILL ME! A true Master of Slack has no NEED to be "cool," but knows the world OWES him Slack! SOLAR FLARES are coming! Hails of FIRE! Rains of PRAIRIE SQUID! When you EXPECT nothing, you GET nothing, and the NON-mutated losers exist ONLY to rob the Earth of its Slack! They serve, some KNOWINGLY but most as mere dupes, the Illuminati, and live only to WORK and DIE and STEAL YOUR SLACK! As Dobbs said, we must not FORGIVE them, because they KNOW what they're doing! The malicious Group Mind we call Yacatisma cannot, yet MUST BE resisted! Whatever survives stands between you and a lifetime supply of "Bob's" PILS! Yes, and a lifetime supply of "Bob's" PILS! It is MADNESS and, worse, BOREDOM! Forever!
 
Introduction

First, a legal disclaimer
This website is intended purely for entertainment and educational purposes only. All of the material on this site is intended for purposes of SATIRE, PARODY, and HUMOR. None of the views expressed on this page should be confused with the actual views of Jack T. Chick or Chick Publications. Everything on this page is intended to spoof, parody, satirize, roast, lampoon, and otherwise poke fun at Jack T. Chick's religious tracts and other material published by Chick Publications, Inc. We make no claims as to the accuracy of our satire. We also do not make any claims that all of the satire, parody, or humor writing on this page is exclusively poking fun specifically at Chick Publications or Jack T. Chick; many jokes are about Christians and televangelists in general.
The views expressed on this site are those of the individuals responsible for creating the artwork, or writing the articles, and are not necesarily those of Psycho Dave or Flashnet Communications.

Because of legal agreements, no art that is copyrighted by Chick Publications may be used. Any art resembling that of Chick Publications is imitation, and is the sole responsibility of the individual artist. No money has ever been solicited for any products bearing Chick's original copyrighted art. The only products that will be sold are those drawn specifically by Psycho Dave.


Okay, now for what this site is about
Ever see those tiny, pocket-sized Christian comic book tracts that are left on park benches, in public restrooms, under your windshield wiper-blade, or stuffed into books at the library? You know, those horribly-drawn comics with the paranoid messages in them, outlandish and unlikely stories, and fire-and-brimstone style? These are the world-famous religious tracts of Jack T. Chick, one of the most prolific, paranoid, ultra-conservative, and nastiest publishers of Christian literature since the Dark Ages! Many people have found these tracts to be a great source of humor, specifically for the bizarre and schizophrenic tales spun within them. Let's face it, Jack T. Chick's world view, which roughly boils down to the notion that there is a gigantic and complex world conspiracy of Catholics, Homosexuals, Satanists, Witches, and Atheists out to get anyone who is a "real Christian" (a real Christian as defined by Jack Chick), is so extreme and unbelievable that no sane individual would ever believe it.
Most of Jack T. Chick's hardcore fans are Not Christians. In fact, some of his greatest fans are the people who help put this site together. We grew up reading and collecting his tracts, always happy that we never found them convincing or even compelling. I first got hooked on Chick Tracts when I was a kid going to a Catholic Church. Apparently some Fundy-nut-job entered the church one Sunday morning, and stuffed Chick's tracts into all the missals and other Church literature. I picked up "Bad Bob!" and "Are Roman Catholics Christians?" from the hand-out table, and was hooked on them ever since. What is the appeal of these badly-drawn and extremist cartoons? Probably the fact that they are badly drawn, and promote an extremist view of the world, I guess. I am attracted to his comics for precisely the opposite reason he invented them!

Some people have suggested that Jack T. Chick's comics do not need to be parodied -- that they are hilarious in their original form. I can't argue with that at all -- in fact, I agree 100%! Jack Chick's comics are certainly funny without anyone having to parody them. But I'm into subversion, and love to twist darn near anything that achieves the status of "pop-culture icon". Jack Chick's comics are almost instantly identified by most people with Christian Fundamentalism. Chick has sort of become the anti-Norman Rockwell. Whereas Norman Rockwell's artwork typifies the "good old days" of the American mythos, Chick's comic book tracts typify American Christian Fundamentalist weirdness.

We love the originals, but we thought that since there are so many whacked-out Christians who take them seriously, satirical parodies of them would be necesary to piss those people off, too. Indeed, some of the hate mail we have received concerning this web site (soon to be put on-line for all to see!) is from angry fundies who claim that reading a Jack T. Chick comic directly led them to Christ. Obviously, not everyone sees Jack Chick as the paranoid, crazed weirdo that we do.

Many people have been making parodies of Chick comics, twisting the stories around to more accurately and honestly send the message that the authors really meant, or just to have good old-fashioned, tasteless fun with them. Fun is the only intent of this site. We are not out to convert anyone -- we mainly want to make ourselves and our friends laugh, and piss off people like Jack Chick. Don't try to read anything else into that. We're just out for a good laugh.

This site is a growing repository of parodied Chick tracts from all over the web. Dig in and enjoy! This site was made for YOU!

This site was the brainchild of Psycho Dave. After the demise of the Unofficial Jack Chick Archive, which had some parodies on it, Dave decided to make a couple of parodies of Chick tracts of his own, and put them on his Recreational Christianity Zone. Mirage, inspired by these tract-parodies, followed with a tract of his own. Both Psycho Dave and Mirage soon had a half-dozen tracts completed, and Dave decided that the tracts needed a page of their own, because they were taking up way too much space on the Recreational Christianity Zone. So the Jack T. Chick Parody Archive was born. Less than a week after the site was up, we received several tract parodies from enthusiastic visitors. The archived parodies doubled in less than two weeks following the birth of the site. So I guess that there's plenty of people out there who share our demented sense of humor!

-- Psycho Dave, Webmaster of the Jack T. Chick Parody Archive

P.S. -- P*ss off, Jack!
 
Survival instinct. Humans, like animals, strive to be the best and the strongest. sometimes this means taking all the resources, doing bad things, and causing others to suffer.

Its sucks, but thats just how it is.

Basically, its harsh, but people only care about themselves, and their own survival in this world.
 
Here you go...

Dear Reader, I am not online and therefore I do not check emails. May you find Christ and leave the internet and television alone. Read your Authorized King James Bible diligently and obey it. Ask God to show you the old paths (Jeremiah 6:16)--the old way of living and worshipping God. Look for the old ways--Father working, Mother cooking, cleaning and caring for the children. You will find rest for your soul and a whole new world will be opened to you. You will be changed at your root. We have almost lost our manhood and womanhood--our deceptions are great but the word of God will deliver us if carefully applied to our lives. God made man to rule the world. Man was destined for greatness. May the men reading this understand that they are the image and glory of God. Repent of your sins, hide the word of God in your heart and rise to who you were made to be. Get out of debt (including your house note) for the borrower is servant to the lender (Proverbs 22:7). Woman, clean your house and teach your children at home from the Authorized King James Version of the holy scriptures. That book will give you the foundations/rudiments of everything in all of creation and every subject to be studied--Language Arts, Geography, Counting/Mathematics (e.g., Geometry), History, Botany, Law, Economics, Science (e.g., Chemistry)--everything. Embrace Genesis 1:1 - 2:7 as your outline--read it to your child regularly. By God's grace and almighty power, babies can read while they are still in diapers. Two year olds can praise God and his Son, the Lord Jesus Christ. Three year olds can read the Authorized Version of the scriptures. Four year olds can learn cursive writing. Five year olds can expound the word of God. Little children can exercise Biblical discernment and be wise. They can choose righteousness because they can see and feel its excellencies for themselves...On this website, there were times that I knowingly did not use proper English grammar. Please forgive me for this transgression. If you have a problem accessing any of the files resident on our server, try capitalizing the file name, e.g., http://www.Jesus-is-Lord.com/couldnt.htm becomes http://www.Jesus-is-Lord.com/COULDNT.HTM . Tracy (2-7-07)

Edit: Crap... This is nausiating.
 
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