I'm a 17-year-old heterosexual guy and I've recently started being haunted by an old memory that disturbs me a lot, it has haunted me before but I somehow managed to suppress it, pretend it didn't happen or something but it has come back.
The memory is of me experimenting with oral sex with a male friend (who was about the same age) when I was about 7 or 8 years old. It makes me feel so disgusted, shameful, and unmanly and I can't stop thinking about it, I've heard that this kind of thing isn't so uncommon but I find that very hard to believe.
I can't talk to anyone about this, so please don't tell me to do that, it's just too embarrassing. I feel so disgusted with myself all the time and I feel like I can never be a real man, I can't concentrate on anything because this memory keeps coming up all the time.
And I can't stop thinking about what people would think of me if they knew. Would my parents be ashamed of me if they knew? Would my friends still want to be friends with me if they knew? If I notice a girl likes me, I can't stop thinking that she probably wouldn't if she knew about this disgusting damn thing.
I don't know what to do, I can't change the past so what can I do? I'm taking antidepressants every day but it doesn't seem to help, I've asked for help here before and while I got some helpful answers I still just can't let go of this memory, please help me, I'm getting more and more desperate.
The memory is of me experimenting with oral sex with a male friend (who was about the same age) when I was about 7 or 8 years old. It makes me feel so disgusted, shameful, and unmanly and I can't stop thinking about it, I've heard that this kind of thing isn't so uncommon but I find that very hard to believe.
I can't talk to anyone about this, so please don't tell me to do that, it's just too embarrassing. I feel so disgusted with myself all the time and I feel like I can never be a real man, I can't concentrate on anything because this memory keeps coming up all the time.
And I can't stop thinking about what people would think of me if they knew. Would my parents be ashamed of me if they knew? Would my friends still want to be friends with me if they knew? If I notice a girl likes me, I can't stop thinking that she probably wouldn't if she knew about this disgusting damn thing.
I don't know what to do, I can't change the past so what can I do? I'm taking antidepressants every day but it doesn't seem to help, I've asked for help here before and while I got some helpful answers I still just can't let go of this memory, please help me, I'm getting more and more desperate.