ladybird2323
New member
- Feb 6, 2009
- 1
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We have been 1 year and 3 months together. In May last year he had a fit and overreacted on a silly thing just because I said I wanted to change my shoes before walking the dog. He exploded then as he didnt want to go home first and wanted to be on his own. He split up with me but called as he cared and in 1 week he came at 3 in the morning to cuddle me and he said that was his way of saying sorry. I wondered why it happened and I realised the reasons were his job, living with his parents (1 is alcoholic and never gave him affection) and the kid he cannot see that often.
Since then things have been fine. Of course he is kind of peculiar because he needs to be on his own sometimes and we only see each other at weekends as he lives in Essex and me in London. We saw each other after Christmas and told me he missed me, we holded hands (thing he never does), gave me so many presents. Everything was going fine until we went to the pub and I realised he was starting to get moody and on top of that a guy insulted him because he was not paying attention to me. That made him mad and he punched him. Since then he said he didnt want to talk about it, that I stopped the fight and I was trying to explain that he was already moodie and that it wasnt necessary to hit someone. He didnt talk to me that night and on the next day he said he was walking the dog but refused to talk or having me there. I went after him saying that we had the same situation in May and he just lost it saying: leave me alone! **** off! and he said "i dont want to do something I will regret" while he raised his hand and run away from me without hitting me. I was speechless. He came back home but avoided all contact and I had to leave.
2 weeks went by and he didnt get back to me. His mother was so sad to hear what happened to us ... She lives with hi,.She intervened but he insisted that he didnt want to talk about it and that it was over. He found out through a friend I was coming over to see him and try to talk and sent me a text saying "dont bother, i dont want to talk about it. its over". After 5 hours he sent another sms saying:"i have no problems with you seeing my friends. we can be mates and I want to be civilised with you x". I realised this time he put the kissie.At that stage i realised that all this is coming from the "fight or flight" decision he took when he raised his hand. He got to know Im sad and that a relative is sick, so he just texted me saying that he hopes my relative gets better adding a kiss to the text. I called him (I couldnt wait any more now that dialogue had started). I didnt mention the incident because the last thing to wants to remember is that. I just said that its not fair he pushes me away like that and that in may he did it well and cared. we started talking about footie, his kid and he just got carried away!! I told him: cant you see we can talk about anything?? He then went silent and said: "Im not going to change my mind". I said: tell me why? And he said: because we argued. I said: look, we argued in May but I knew there was a difference now: that he raised his hand and he knew that wasnt right because Im sweet and im not like his exs (who had cheated on him). But he treated me so badly!!
Ive read about anger management and yes, he bottles up, explodes for silly reasons, doesnt listen, sees things black or white .... But he still he hasnt get rid of the emotion of that conflict and thats why he hesitates in texting and he asks about anything except how I am because he cant feel sympathy and doesnt make him happy to see what happened. I even sent him a letter the first week saying it could be sorted, that he doesnt need to explain. I just wnated him to cuddle me as I know its his way to release tension...
And here is my big decision. I have always cared and he knows and told me once Ive been good as gold and that he doenst deserve me. He is depressed because of his job, his kid and living at his parents being 35. He will never go to a doctor and admit. He said he wants to be friends but we cant practically because he doenst talk about us or him! I am planning to go and see him but the mum insists on me telling him in advance (as he told me he is not prepared for these surprises- when what he means is that he wants to be in control). So what should I do? tell him or not? I dont think telling him is a good idea because he will have a speech prepared. Its not taht he doenst care about me but hes so proud and stubborn that he would prefer to drown and stop seeing me rather than facing me. BUt im crying and suffering so much I need to resolve the conflict so that he is in peace and me too, even if we have to be friends. The more we leave it, the more he'll convince himself is over. Im the only one who can cuddle him and understand him. He knows. Only him and me know about raising his hand but running away ... Should I ask him if I can come or risk it as he could say no?
Since then things have been fine. Of course he is kind of peculiar because he needs to be on his own sometimes and we only see each other at weekends as he lives in Essex and me in London. We saw each other after Christmas and told me he missed me, we holded hands (thing he never does), gave me so many presents. Everything was going fine until we went to the pub and I realised he was starting to get moody and on top of that a guy insulted him because he was not paying attention to me. That made him mad and he punched him. Since then he said he didnt want to talk about it, that I stopped the fight and I was trying to explain that he was already moodie and that it wasnt necessary to hit someone. He didnt talk to me that night and on the next day he said he was walking the dog but refused to talk or having me there. I went after him saying that we had the same situation in May and he just lost it saying: leave me alone! **** off! and he said "i dont want to do something I will regret" while he raised his hand and run away from me without hitting me. I was speechless. He came back home but avoided all contact and I had to leave.
2 weeks went by and he didnt get back to me. His mother was so sad to hear what happened to us ... She lives with hi,.She intervened but he insisted that he didnt want to talk about it and that it was over. He found out through a friend I was coming over to see him and try to talk and sent me a text saying "dont bother, i dont want to talk about it. its over". After 5 hours he sent another sms saying:"i have no problems with you seeing my friends. we can be mates and I want to be civilised with you x". I realised this time he put the kissie.At that stage i realised that all this is coming from the "fight or flight" decision he took when he raised his hand. He got to know Im sad and that a relative is sick, so he just texted me saying that he hopes my relative gets better adding a kiss to the text. I called him (I couldnt wait any more now that dialogue had started). I didnt mention the incident because the last thing to wants to remember is that. I just said that its not fair he pushes me away like that and that in may he did it well and cared. we started talking about footie, his kid and he just got carried away!! I told him: cant you see we can talk about anything?? He then went silent and said: "Im not going to change my mind". I said: tell me why? And he said: because we argued. I said: look, we argued in May but I knew there was a difference now: that he raised his hand and he knew that wasnt right because Im sweet and im not like his exs (who had cheated on him). But he treated me so badly!!
Ive read about anger management and yes, he bottles up, explodes for silly reasons, doesnt listen, sees things black or white .... But he still he hasnt get rid of the emotion of that conflict and thats why he hesitates in texting and he asks about anything except how I am because he cant feel sympathy and doesnt make him happy to see what happened. I even sent him a letter the first week saying it could be sorted, that he doesnt need to explain. I just wnated him to cuddle me as I know its his way to release tension...
And here is my big decision. I have always cared and he knows and told me once Ive been good as gold and that he doenst deserve me. He is depressed because of his job, his kid and living at his parents being 35. He will never go to a doctor and admit. He said he wants to be friends but we cant practically because he doenst talk about us or him! I am planning to go and see him but the mum insists on me telling him in advance (as he told me he is not prepared for these surprises- when what he means is that he wants to be in control). So what should I do? tell him or not? I dont think telling him is a good idea because he will have a speech prepared. Its not taht he doenst care about me but hes so proud and stubborn that he would prefer to drown and stop seeing me rather than facing me. BUt im crying and suffering so much I need to resolve the conflict so that he is in peace and me too, even if we have to be friends. The more we leave it, the more he'll convince himself is over. Im the only one who can cuddle him and understand him. He knows. Only him and me know about raising his hand but running away ... Should I ask him if I can come or risk it as he could say no?