My child is currently a screaming tantrum machine, and I can't seem to find a way to

[dontlikebees]

make him stop??!? This just sort of began two weeks ago, and he is SOOOO aggressive, and won't let me leave his side when he does it. He will be 4 in June, and he (used to be) a very mild-mannered boy.

It's making me crazy. Today he punched me in the face. To add insult to injury, it was in front of someone else.

Help.

 

[lorraine12937]

if hes left at a sitters you should have it checked if youre at home with him all the time id give him time out and no tv or take away his favorite toys .
i dont believe in spanking cause someting is causing this child to change so quickly

 

[arial39]

pick him up and swat his butt, and TELL him he cant be doing that and you will not tolerate it.when you set him back down he will be a different boy.

 

[momof4]

Since it came on suddenly, try the 3 biggies: more sleep, more food, and a check for ear infections. When my kids get cranky, it's usually one of those things to blame.

After that, consider trying some other things that often help around here: more outdoor time and less tv. (Seriously, I'm not just an anti-tv nut; my kids are noticeably more relaxed and happy on days when they watch no tv).

Then consider if there's anything going on at preschool or at home.

And definitely give him lots of attention when he's behaving well and discipline him consistently when he's not. I'm not sure what you mean when you say he won't let you leave his side, but if I had a three-year-old who was having a tantrum, I'd escort them to their room and tell them I'd be back when they're calm. It would not be an option to hang out with me while screaming.

 

[hstngirl]

I like what The Happiest Toddler on the Block has to say about tantrums and I have found it really works...

basically you validate the kid. If he wants something or is angry, you say that in a voice that is similar in emotion. I'll use a cookie as an example:

George is angry!!! George wants a cookie!!!

Stomp your feet and everything. Make an angry face and ball up your fists.

The kiddo will look at you, see you understand- because of your voice, your expression and your gestures and then you can explain why he can't have a cookie until after dinner.

It worked really great for me, I hope it helps you. You may feel silly but silly is better than mortified! Good luck.

 

[irishcountrybabe]

my daughter started with tanturms but she would start screaming and crying and run in the kitchen and stand there and when she was done she would come out i would ignore it it lasted about a few weeks and i ignored it each and every time and she stopped doing it but it seems like you have bigger problems my daughter also just starting slapping people and when she does this i tell her you do it again im going to do it back to you and she does it again so i lightly tap her right where she slapped me i dont do it nearly hard enough to make a mark or make it red or make her scream in pain but it does make her stop and go ow that hurt lol maybe just try to walk away from him and ignore it or just let him sit there hand on her leg but ignore it my pedi told me to ignore her tantrums and thats what i did and it worked for us

 

[SoldiersGirl]

Walk away. You are the mom. when he hits you, tell him that is NOT okay, take him to his room, and do not let him out until he is ready to be a gentleman. I have two boys ages 6 and 2... when he acts out, then he must need a break from everyone, he can stay in his room until he is ready to be nice... also another thing... since this just started 2 weeks ago, something may be going on... something at daycare? friends house... talk to him when he is calm.... say somthing like " I have noticed you seem angry lately, is there something you need to talk about?" if he says no....proceed with questions that cannot be answered in yes or no....just keep asking.. if he acts out then walk away... it seems as though, he needs more attention... maybe he is being picked on at daycare or school??? by a sibling...sounds like you really need to have a sit down with him...

 

[SoldiersGirl]

Walk away. You are the mom. when he hits you, tell him that is NOT okay, take him to his room, and do not let him out until he is ready to be a gentleman. I have two boys ages 6 and 2... when he acts out, then he must need a break from everyone, he can stay in his room until he is ready to be nice... also another thing... since this just started 2 weeks ago, something may be going on... something at daycare? friends house... talk to him when he is calm.... say somthing like " I have noticed you seem angry lately, is there something you need to talk about?" if he says no....proceed with questions that cannot be answered in yes or no....just keep asking.. if he acts out then walk away... it seems as though, he needs more attention... maybe he is being picked on at daycare or school??? by a sibling...sounds like you really need to have a sit down with him...

 

[Shannon]

Here's a tip from Super Nanny:

Tame those tantrums before they begin!


Discipline shouldn’t always be about fixing what went wrong. Discipline can also be about changing the way you do things up front to prevent problems from happening. While you cannot stop your child from ever having a tantrum, there are many things you can do that will substantially reduce the number and the intensity of the tantrums.




Solve the REAL problem before behavior deteriorates
Often when a child has a tantrum, the issue that set off the behavior has little to do with anything that requires discipline. Just as adults who are in a bad mood, or have a headache might yell or grumble, children may be struggling with emotions that cause them to respond in a negative way.




It’s not always about how to discipline children, but how to change the environment in order to help them gain control over their emotions. Some of the most common issues that cause children to act out in negative ways are hunger, tiredness, frustration, boredom and overstimulation



you identify the real reason behind your child’s actions you can often solve this at the first sign of negative behaviors, before your child dissolves into a full-blown tantrum.

The power of offering choices
Giving a choice is a very effective tool that can prevent tantrums from even beginning. It’s helpful as a method to move your child in the direction you need him going, without having to deal with him digging in his heels. How this works is simple. Replace direct commands, such as, “Put on your pjs right now,” (which often triggers a battle) with a choice that propels your child forward, such as, “What do you want to do first, put on your pjs or brush your teeth?” or “Do you want to hop to the bathroom like a bunny or crawl like a puppy?”

Playing cooperation games
Children see life as a game – so why not take advantage of that? Nearly any task can be turned into a game. Some games can be a one-time fix; others can become part of your regular routine. You know your child’s typical response when you command, “Pick up your toys and put them in the toybox”? Imagine the response if instead you say, “I bet I can pick up all the blue cars before you pick up the red ones! Ready, Set, Go!”




Instead of the serious, “You need to use the toilet. Put your toy down and go potty now.” How about this fun alternative, “Here comes the potty train. Chooo! Chooo! All aboard!” These simple games can alter your communication in an effective tantrum-preventing way


Sing a song
Even if you can’t carry a tune, putting anything to music makes you easier to listen to and it is fun, too. You can create a particular song to be used as a cue to certain tasks – such as a clean up song that takes place whenever the toys are picked up and put away, a getting-dressed song, or a song that beckons your child to the dinner table.

Tell a story
Children love stories. These will hold their attention and can get them to willingly do what you want them to do. They can be used to ward off boredom, prepare a child for an upcoming event, or keep a child focused on the task at hand. Stories can be told in advance of any event to let your child know what’s about to happen and prevent problems and tantrums when the actual event occurs. You can tell a tale about a boy who goes to grandma’s house for dinner – how he says please and thank you and behaves nicely, and the grandparents are so proud of him. This is in preparation for an actual visit, of course!

Be silly
Often parents are so serious about getting through the day that their rigid presentation incites tantrums that could easily have been avoided. Any light-hearted banter will lighten the mood. Humor – pretending to fall, exaggerated speech, funny accents – can often create a joyful moment. Being silly – for example, putting your child’s sock on his hand instead of his foot while getting him dressed – often elicits a laugh, along with the desired cooperation.

Give fair warning
When children are immersed in play they usually put their entire being into the activity. Because of this intensity it can be very hard for a child to switch from one activity to another without first making a mental adjustment. When a child is in the middle of a wonderful game, and a parent calls him to dinner, it’s an unusual child who can immediately drop the piece in process and run to the table. You can help your children change activities by giving them time to process the change mentally before they follow through physically. Prior to expecting action from your children, call out a five minute alert, then a three minute alert and finally a one minute alert. This forewarning can prevent a meltdown that can occur with a sudden, surprising announcement.

Use positive words
Some of the most overused words in parenting are no, don’t and stop. It’s necessary, of course, that we get our children to stop misbehavior. However, when these words are overused they can create more problems than they solve. Try to save these words for necessary times. When possible, choose more positive words, such as “would you please…”, or “I would like you to...”




Tell your child what you want, instead of what you don’t want. So, rather than, “Don’t jump on the furniture!” explain, “Furniture is for sitting on. Please sit here or go outside to jump”


Creative parenting means fewer tantrums
All of these techniques can be used to prevent tantrums and to help fill your days with more joy and pleasant communication. They require thought and practice, but once you feel the happy results you’ll know it is worth it!
Elizabeth Pantley
Supernanny Expert

 

[Alex R]

I dont believe in hitting kids but if they hit you, you gotta lay the law down. As for the temper tantrums when he acts out put him in a room shut the door and ignore until they calm down. I have 4 kids and since the birth of my first if they cry and scream for it they will NEVER get it. I refuse to be bullied by a child and trust me they will try. They are always pushing to see how far they can go you have to draw the line. The older they are the harder it will be to control so you need to start now