My ex, who complained about only being able to see son 2 days a week hasn't called

[Renee]

in 3 weeks. What gives?!? My ex and I were together for 10 years. We had a son together 3 years ago. He decided to end our relationship a year and a half ago. We have not gone through the courts to set up visitation or child support. We agreed to work that stuff out amongst ourselves.

I've never kept our son from him and in fact encourage a consistent schedule in which he'd help watch him and would see him regularly. He has been inconsistent at best. Sometimes very helpful to not calling for weeks on end.

Over the summer, while I was off from the nursing program I'm in, I worked full-time. He agreed as he was fired from his job (for showing up late too much, after working there for 7 years) and was free. Yet he was either late nearly everyday or didn't show up at all. It was very stressful.

Then he said my asking him to watch him more than 2 or 3 days a week (8am - 5 pm) was "unreasonable and selfish". So I suggested 1 or 2 days a week the next time I saw him and he got upset and said he thought that was ridiculous, insinuated I was trying to keep our son from him and said he wanted 4 days a week. I'm confused!!

Now it's been 3 weeks and I haven't heard from him at all. He lives a mile away, has no job and complained about my suggestion of 2 days a week, but he hasn't seen or called our son in 3 weeks!! What gives?

Not sure how to handle this. I've talked to him about how this hurts our son in the past, he agrees, does well for a couple weeks and then back to not showing up.

Advice?

 

[sotired]

Yes, he wants you to be confused. In any case he doesn't want to accept responsiblity for his actions or his complaints. He wants to complain, but doesn't spell out what he wants. Open field to to make the the bad person with a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g you say or suggest. He knows he's dealing with and honest and responsible person, sooo he doesn't have to be one.
Email him or write to him, either way you have a written documented record of you trying to address the issue. 1)Spell out his complaint. 2) spell what your suggestion was 3) spell out his response to your suggestion 4) spell out the length of time it has been since you heard from him 5) given the circumstances with no job, ask him what are his intentions and by doing or not doing, and what his expectations of himself are.
Are intentions to be upset about watching your son 2 or 3 days a week, or are his intentions to get upset to watch your son 1 or 2 days a week. Ask what he is trying to accomplish for his son with not seeing him for three weeks.

If he tries to talk about you being the bad person upsetting him, ignore it like David Spade. "Sooo, which days are planning or not planning to watch our son, to not watch our son.., kinda would be good to know. When you ready to talk about your son, instead talking

about you

being offended, that would be great."

 

[krazegurl_ds]

Stop trying to work it our amongst yourselves and go to court he's obviously trying to avoid having to pay child support and all that. And with the way he's got it set up now he doesn't have to see or pay for his responsability he sounds like a deadbeat dad honestly. I would tell him straight up either get with it and see you son regularly or i will file for child support and they will garnish your pay checks whether you like it or not, and see how he responds me bets he will say bring the kid on over or he will disapear. But i am thinking you would be bettter off without him and just taking his monthly child support check. P.S. good luck with your nursing program.

 

[KestraSpiritNova]

Well, your ex is obviously unmotivated. He wasn't getting up in time to go to work, wasn't getting up in time to watch his son, and he can't be bothered to watch his son even when he's unemployed. Yet, despite that it's his own laziness at fault, he wants to make it out to be your fault... When he doesn't feel like showing up, he wants the actual reason to be that you're keeping his son from him. By presenting the situation in this way, he's trying to absolve himself of both the responsibility of seeing his son, as well as any of the guilt for failing to be there.

This is why I'm always a bit skeptical of when people claim their ex is keeping their child from them. Sometimes people are lying. It's not always easy to tell when someone is having a genuine problem vs. when someone is fibbing to cover their own flaws as a parent. In your case, it's definitely the latter of the two.

Sorry, I just realized I didn't give you any advice. My advice would be to not make plans with dad as a focal point of your lives anymore. Go on with your life as if dad wasn't going to be a part of his life anymore, and whenever (or if) his dad does see him, it will just be "extra."

 

[LaToyaF1]

He wasn't serious! Sounds like he just wants to get on your nerves. He must still have some very strong feelings for you and this is his way of getting your attention whether it be good or bad. He's like that little boy in your first grade class that doesn't know how to tell you that he likes you. So, he hits you instead to express his feelings!