Need to know what this storyline sounds like!?

[MissBlondeBabee]

okay so i have to write my own original novel for my teacher (im 13 btw) and it has to be about a mythological creature and we also have to tie it in with something to do with school. I have already question up about something similar to this. So here goes (sorry it's so long);

I'm writing about a fey princess of Light (Seelie Court) who's colony is being threatened by the Unseelie court (dark fairies). Destiny is forced to go into hiding and in the place they'll least expect; the mortal world. Destiny is forced to blend in at Manhattans' Cascades High School. She finds it easy to fit in thanks to her good social skills and goddess beauty and becomes popular almost immediately. After only the first day of school she is confronted by Christian her ex lover, a light fairy who turned against his people for the shadows. He swears he will keep her concealed only because of the history. Then she meets bad boy Alec. (Throughout the book of course they fall in love but i guess u already figured that.) Christian visits occasionally but finds out she has replaced with Alec. He not only tells her parents the king and queen of the Seelie court but he also tells the Dark fey of her whereabouts. In race to survive and protect her new love, Alec and Destiny are forced to dive deep into the heart of mythology come to life...

Other info;
Destiny and all Light fey have a power; Destiny's is to plant images of ideas in ones head to persuade or manipulate them. Alec is not phased by her mind games.
There is a race of possessed fey called "The Shadow Fey" who feed on ones soul creating a Shadow fey.
There are not only fairies but werewolves, vampires, warlocks ect.

Thnx to everyone that helps me. Plz no mean feedback just constructive criticism of praise.
If there is anything that you think i should add in plz say, all ideas r welcome!
Oh and if anyone has any names that could be used for a mythological creature and other made up words that sound cool for human, that would be great. cause mortal just sounds boring!!

 

[AnnabethChase]

I think its great. It reminds me of Twilight, even though the plotline is not copying Twilight in ANY way. If you only want "constructive criticism of praise", the problem is, you'll never get better at writing. You can only get better through those "mean feedback". From what I experienced as a writer,welcome all types of feedback, mean and not mean. If you dont agree with those people who say the mean feedback--and they are not actually mean "people", because even though what they say are mean, what they said could be valuable into contributing into your novel or novella--just ignore them. Everyone has different opinions. You cant let them not have a different opinion.

Hmm...well, one advice,try not to copy other books. Like, I know the plotline is not like them, but the words you say, the basic outline, maybe, it looks a bit like the other novels. If you want to get published or just stand out, you have to write something different, unique, something only you can give to the crowd. And thats hard. With all the books these days, you can hardly not copy anyone else. All the popular ideas are taken, like magic and mythology and other stuff in the Fantasy section. But just stick with what you have, but I think the Shadow Fey reminds me of the Dementors in Harry Potter, except for they feed on souls, and this creates Shadow Feys. But the idea "feed on" is kinda overused.And Sage is a great name for ANYTHING. A person, boy or girl, a name of weapon, and a particular name for a type of creature. Samantha can cover up in the mortal world for "Sage", if its a girl. If its a boy, Sam. Easy.

 

[Ninattamm]

I think that's an incredibly interesting idea, and it's not often I say that. I love mythology of all kinds so I found myself smiling and nodding in approval when you mentioned the Seelie and Unseelie courts and the fey.

I think your plot is perfect, apart from one element that I'd be wary of: Destiny falling for the bad boy. As you identified, people can guess what will happen between them because it's been done so many times before and is becoming a cliché. Now, as with all clichés, if you write the story well enough you can overcome it, but if you want to add a more original element to your story then you might replace Alec's 'bad boy' status with something else or have a twist that means that Destiny and Alec don't wind up together. Perhaps Alec is offered the opportunity to become a warlock/vampire/werewolf and that means that he and Destiny can't be together or drift apart?

As for names, since the Seelie and Unseelie courts are in Scottish, Irish, and Celtic folklore, I'd suggest Celtic names for the fey.

Well, I hope this has helped you! Good luck with your story

 

[OctopusPie]

1) Do not use the name Destiny. As a VERY longtime reader, I can say that the 'quirky' names such as those tend to be a bit of a turnoff because they're very heavily used & more often than not they're used for the cheesier books.

2) If you do go for strange sounding names or period names (Gwynhafar, Cyndel, etc) make sure that it fits the rest of the story, the time period the character was born into, the situation, & the rest of the names. Having a main character with an old or exotic name when everyone else has names that fit modern day or the 1900s doesn't really look all that great. Since you are putting all of your characters into a modern high school, you will need to be extra careful about names.

3) Please be careful of how you describe/write characters. I only say this because you seem to be a new writer & this is a very easy trap to fall into. Don't overdescribe your characters & don't make your character extra-special in the looks or talent department unless it is absolutely necessary to the story. Even then, make sure you don't spend too much time describing them.

4) Be careful with the fey & supernatural stuff. There's a lot of books out there with this theme in it, so take your time & make sure that you give it a good spin. It's all too easy for books to blend into the background with the glut of fairy & supernatural oriented stuff out there.

5) DON'T make your character well loved & popular immediately unless she does it via magic. When I saw that your character becomes well loved & popular immediately, it smacked of Mary Sue. You do NOT want a Mary Sue.

6) Run all of your characters through a Mary Sue litmus test. ALL of them.


I really hate to say it, but it sort of sounds like you are beginning to write a Mary Sue type story. Writing a Mary Sue story is almost 100% guaranteed to not only alienate most of your readers, but it'll also guarantee that just about every publisher will turn you down.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but as a long time reader & semi-professional reviewer I can certainly back up my claims.

 

[awesomechick123]

I hitting myself for not thinking about this idea. I too, am I writer, and this is an altogether unique story. I would love to read it! It sounds great!

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20101004004713AAtAOot I need major help, any ideas?