I have another question to ask…
All my life I’ve never practically had a mother. She was either gone, or absent in my life both physically and emotionally. The only times I got to see her were when she planned trips to Idaho to see my family for the Holidays. I never understood my mother. I don’t even know what hobbies she likes to do, aside from smoke. She was always out there doing stuff, but I never knew what. She’s a very attractive lady, hence why I’m born. But I just don’t understand what she is all about, and am a bit afraid to ask.
Something tells me, that when I ask her, I’ll get the inevitable truth of: “I had a hard life..” or “My past.” But in all reality, I don’t think she ever wanted me. I’m afraid to ask her because I idolize her as my only mother and when I see her, I just let her know how I’m doing, who I’m with, so on and so forth. I’m afraid to find out why she was clearly absent in my childhood. And it affects me today because I have dreams about her from time to time and it bothers me that I don’t know why I hated her growing up. I can’t even forgive her today. When I look at her today, I see pitied, emotional, woman, who constantly cries out for attention. I want to forgive her for all her past mistakes but only after learning the truth. But what if I don’t handle the truth very well and I end up committing suicide or something? I’m already emotionally distressed as it is. And my dad says it’s all in the past and you can’t change that. But I just wanna know why? Why was she not present? Was it me, or was it something else? I’m too afraid to ask. But I wanna know if anyone has ever had this happen to them, and if not, what would you do in this situation? Thanks.
All my life I’ve never practically had a mother. She was either gone, or absent in my life both physically and emotionally. The only times I got to see her were when she planned trips to Idaho to see my family for the Holidays. I never understood my mother. I don’t even know what hobbies she likes to do, aside from smoke. She was always out there doing stuff, but I never knew what. She’s a very attractive lady, hence why I’m born. But I just don’t understand what she is all about, and am a bit afraid to ask.
Something tells me, that when I ask her, I’ll get the inevitable truth of: “I had a hard life..” or “My past.” But in all reality, I don’t think she ever wanted me. I’m afraid to ask her because I idolize her as my only mother and when I see her, I just let her know how I’m doing, who I’m with, so on and so forth. I’m afraid to find out why she was clearly absent in my childhood. And it affects me today because I have dreams about her from time to time and it bothers me that I don’t know why I hated her growing up. I can’t even forgive her today. When I look at her today, I see pitied, emotional, woman, who constantly cries out for attention. I want to forgive her for all her past mistakes but only after learning the truth. But what if I don’t handle the truth very well and I end up committing suicide or something? I’m already emotionally distressed as it is. And my dad says it’s all in the past and you can’t change that. But I just wanna know why? Why was she not present? Was it me, or was it something else? I’m too afraid to ask. But I wanna know if anyone has ever had this happen to them, and if not, what would you do in this situation? Thanks.