I dont know if this is what they call a mid-life crisis, but i am 26 and am going through a tough time. Life at the moment is slow and tedious and I am not getting the same joys out of it as I once used to. As a late and early teen I was always ambitious and driven. I was almost arrogant but in a self confident way that was not pretentious or aggrivating to others. People were open and curious to what I could do. Now it seems that people have not changed, but I have.
I have had a group of freinds that I have known my whole life. We bickered and argued im sure like most. But the common saying, forgive and forget, I am really struggling to do as I have some real sore memories of my time with some of them.
At the moment I find it difficult to be independant. What I mean is that I find it hard to not allow other peoples attitudes or opinions affect the way that I am as a person. I have always since a young age had low self asteem and I always feel that what I do (socially i'd say) is not good enough. In retrospect I have acknowledged that I do try to please people around me and not myself. I am always trying to make people around me feel comfortable as I think I dont feel comfortable myself. I have lost many potential freinds because of this and it is a life long fustration.
The way that I think is that I always feel that my presence is always felt by people around me and they always expect me to say or do something. This i fully appreciate sounds paranoid but I am being wholly honest that most crowd's I find myself in, the attention always shifts my way. Maybe people actually like me. I am not even sure lol. The main problem is, is that I have social anxiety and am very untrusting of people around me. The freinds that I have had have all at some point let me down and I always blame it on me not being socially good enough. As soon as somebody buzzes off my buzz I feel obligated and feel depended on to provide them with good spirit and cheer and it scares me. I think I just dont want to let them down or see the real side of me. But what I need to understand is that everybody has another side and I dont need to show it them instantly simply because I have it which is something I end up doing.
At heart I know I am a real fun guy and I just want life to be filled with good times and good people but feel im spending to much thinking about the proccess of it. I am definatley one of those guys that will just go out and start talking with random people, but its something that I have just stopped. I feel my lack of trust in humanity lol is starting to affect me and I want to find a solution before I need a cure. Can anyone else relate with all this? Would be nice to hear some feedback.
I have had a group of freinds that I have known my whole life. We bickered and argued im sure like most. But the common saying, forgive and forget, I am really struggling to do as I have some real sore memories of my time with some of them.
At the moment I find it difficult to be independant. What I mean is that I find it hard to not allow other peoples attitudes or opinions affect the way that I am as a person. I have always since a young age had low self asteem and I always feel that what I do (socially i'd say) is not good enough. In retrospect I have acknowledged that I do try to please people around me and not myself. I am always trying to make people around me feel comfortable as I think I dont feel comfortable myself. I have lost many potential freinds because of this and it is a life long fustration.
The way that I think is that I always feel that my presence is always felt by people around me and they always expect me to say or do something. This i fully appreciate sounds paranoid but I am being wholly honest that most crowd's I find myself in, the attention always shifts my way. Maybe people actually like me. I am not even sure lol. The main problem is, is that I have social anxiety and am very untrusting of people around me. The freinds that I have had have all at some point let me down and I always blame it on me not being socially good enough. As soon as somebody buzzes off my buzz I feel obligated and feel depended on to provide them with good spirit and cheer and it scares me. I think I just dont want to let them down or see the real side of me. But what I need to understand is that everybody has another side and I dont need to show it them instantly simply because I have it which is something I end up doing.
At heart I know I am a real fun guy and I just want life to be filled with good times and good people but feel im spending to much thinking about the proccess of it. I am definatley one of those guys that will just go out and start talking with random people, but its something that I have just stopped. I feel my lack of trust in humanity lol is starting to affect me and I want to find a solution before I need a cure. Can anyone else relate with all this? Would be nice to hear some feedback.