Please rate this?

[PasMal]

I love it, except for the very last line. You poetry is very intense, I would love to hear it read out loud!

 

[Be3eTeHe]

Insanity.

I feel like I’m being watched,
being closely examined at every move I make,
firmly fixed on all my mistakes...
Narrowing the path I’m ready to take,
someone’s following me down to this lake,
ready to end this horrible dream,
no this nightmare this morbid thing
Is something there? I know you’re there!
Come out and please do not stare!
Let me be in peace, away from other people and things!
Leave me alone, stop following me home!
Why is that when the sun comes out you won’t stop stocking me?
why is that when the bright light goes down you leave at once and are not to be found?
Please explain to me why you constantly gaze
upon me, and me only,
I see you only treading behind me and no other people
Is there a reason to this?
Is there something that I missed?
I made it down to the lake, bringing myself into the water
down to my waist, getting ready to go full force under
you’re gone, you seemed to have disappeared?
is there something i should know?
Where did you go?
Please explain to me, please o shadow.

 

[kingsholto]

6/7...i like the subject, but personly i think the rhymes are a little forced. But then again im not a poet so what do i know right?

 

[Dr. Banks]

I find humor at the end - with all of the build up, the thing ends up being a shadow. I think, however, that you could have gotten your point across with less words in place of words with more meaning. If that makes sense.

 

[ThingumBobaEsqe]

It flowed well and the visualization was excellent.
To be chased by a "phantom' or otherwise, are always intriguing.
Now, capitalize each letter at the beginning of every line, no matter what.
A few grammatical errors are no problem, as we all start somewhere; ie, stocking...stalking...'o'...oh...shadow may end with an exclamation point.
You go from talking to your psyche to an actual 'being'. Let the reader know that it is all possibly in your mind.
Overall, well followed, just a few minor improvements, and by the way, people like tragic ending, sometimes

 

[destin_lite]

That's very deep, I like how the shadow element can be interpreted however the reader wants to see it. To me it's like being judged by myself and it holds me back, too harsh a critic, and never allowing myself to be free of my own judgment. Then one day you just let it go and suddenly you're free, free to live again and somewhat unsettled by the possibilities that lay ahead.

Also try not to lock yourself into rhyming so much it could have so much more meaning that way as a freestyle poem.

 

[GGGGGunit_]

9.2/10

 

[Ben]

6/10
I get the feeling you're trying too hard

 

[GGGGGunit_]

9.2/10