Please read the beginning of my book?

nikole

Member
On a scale of 1-10, what would you rate this opening? Would you continue reading? What can I do t make it better?



Most would consider what I'm doing as risky, given the rumors that are flying around New York these days. The muted darkness is just beginning to give way to brilliant rays of orange and yellow creeping over the dingy huts of the compound.
I sit on the side of a grassy hill only a few yards away from the chain-linked fence that separates the inhabitants from me. I stare fixedly at one of the many security cameras perched atop the fence, keeping a keen watch on the enclosure below.
A distant beeping breaks through the cheerful morning song of the birds and draws my eyes away from the camera to scope out the source of the intruding noise. At the base of the hill, about a hundred yards to my left, a large cargo truck is backing into the entrance gate. It's full of food and water, I imagine. Possibly some clothing and medicine, too.
Afraid the noise of the truck might wake the sleeping population and draw them out of their living spaces – to see me sitting there so close to their boarder – I hastily reposition myself at least a dozen feet higher on the hill and continue to stare.
 
To the person above me: You probably didn't even read it. you certainly didn't follow the directions.. all you did was "LOL LOOK AT ME I GOT 2 POINTS AND I LOVE YOUR WRITING SO GIVE ME THE BEST ANSWER LOOOOL!"
I hope you have nightmares tonight because of your false rating!


Most would consider what I'm doing as risky.

Read that over a few times and tell me that it makes sense... Its wrong, just so you know.

Also, you should write in past tense, it sounds much better for story telling.

Its okay, not the worst work I have read. Although this character sounds sort of like a vampire.....

3/10

If your main character is a vampire that is the result of reading twlight or the ongoing vampire revolution then -434345/10

If your character is a vampire like dracula that kicks ass, sucks blood, and dies in the sunglight then 10/10
 
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