†I'mNotTired†
New member
- Dec 12, 2009
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Brief background:
20+ years ago, my parents split up after one of my dad's many affairs. My dad remarried his mistress (actually before my parents' divorce was final).
When I was a kid and went to visit him, she told me my mother was a terrible person, accused me of stealing her daughter's meds, and called me a spoiled brat.
My dad didn't make much of an effort to visit me over the years and I really lost contact with him for the most part. I have seen him once or twice in the last 10 years.
Now years later, as an adult, I have made it clear to my dad that I have no problem having a relationship with him, and I do not wish anything bad on him or the woman he married, but I don't wish to have anything to do with her. He has basically told me that it's all or nothing, so I chose nothing.
I have 4 siblings who are all older than me. They have my dad & his wife into their homes, go to dinner with them (only a couple of times per year), but they act like my mom is to blame for me not having anything to do with my dad & his wife. They seem to think that I, as an adult in my 30s, cannot think for myself.
So I guess my question is:
Does it sound like I have not forgiven them (my dad & his wife)? Do I have to hang around with this woman and act like she's some wonderful person? I don't want to. My mom is also very hurt that my siblings welcome her into their homes and associate with her. I don't want to hurt my mom, but I also don't want to be around her on my own accord.
Your opinions please? Thanks.
More precisely, in this situation, what does forgiveness entail in your opinion?
20+ years ago, my parents split up after one of my dad's many affairs. My dad remarried his mistress (actually before my parents' divorce was final).
When I was a kid and went to visit him, she told me my mother was a terrible person, accused me of stealing her daughter's meds, and called me a spoiled brat.
My dad didn't make much of an effort to visit me over the years and I really lost contact with him for the most part. I have seen him once or twice in the last 10 years.
Now years later, as an adult, I have made it clear to my dad that I have no problem having a relationship with him, and I do not wish anything bad on him or the woman he married, but I don't wish to have anything to do with her. He has basically told me that it's all or nothing, so I chose nothing.
I have 4 siblings who are all older than me. They have my dad & his wife into their homes, go to dinner with them (only a couple of times per year), but they act like my mom is to blame for me not having anything to do with my dad & his wife. They seem to think that I, as an adult in my 30s, cannot think for myself.
So I guess my question is:
Does it sound like I have not forgiven them (my dad & his wife)? Do I have to hang around with this woman and act like she's some wonderful person? I don't want to. My mom is also very hurt that my siblings welcome her into their homes and associate with her. I don't want to hurt my mom, but I also don't want to be around her on my own accord.
Your opinions please? Thanks.
More precisely, in this situation, what does forgiveness entail in your opinion?