Really need help with a personal issue!!!
- Thread starter glitchg2
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TiddiVisual
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- Apr 7, 2008
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Ah ha! It could be you!
kaantursucu
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- Apr 4, 2008
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Any way i think that everyone is missing the obvious i have had a female staff member with the same problem, she told me i told my boss and my boss confronted him with sexual harassment and the threat of the police being called if that doesn't work go out side the box.
If this was happening to my girlfriend i know what i would be doing its worked in the passed but thats me.
If this was happening to my girlfriend i know what i would be doing its worked in the passed but thats me.
Lovemycountryhatemygovt
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- Mar 15, 2008
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I have to agree with the guys who have said you made a mistake telling another guy you're attracted to him while you're already in a relationship. Irregardless of whether he is a sociopath or not, most guys would see this as an invitation because as far as I can see there was no good reason for telling him. How would you feel if an attractive nutcase was stalking your boyfriend because he had told her he found her very attractive?
I don't mean to be cruel but it really does sound like you were flirting with the guy a little and now he's showing a serious interest you're panicking. I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess you're in a long term relationship, probably over a year and there's maybe less excitement than there used to be? If that's the case you might need to ask yourself if you were trying to get the best of both worlds, the excitement of someone new with the stability and companionship of your current relationship.
I could be miles off the mark of course.
I don't mean to be cruel but it really does sound like you were flirting with the guy a little and now he's showing a serious interest you're panicking. I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess you're in a long term relationship, probably over a year and there's maybe less excitement than there used to be? If that's the case you might need to ask yourself if you were trying to get the best of both worlds, the excitement of someone new with the stability and companionship of your current relationship.
I could be miles off the mark of course.
Yes, I gather that physicists don't communicate too well.
It sounds like you're playing games as much as he is. Like you're just gearing yourself up to cheat on your boyfriend with him and blame it on the guy's "manipulation" - i.e. creating a situation where you get to do something that you know is wrong, but get to externalize the blame so you don't feel guilty. As a psych major, what do you think of that theory?
I would advise you to make a decision one way of the other; either drop your boyfriend and try your chances with a guy who you well know is just in it for the chuckles, or make the decision that he's not worth losing your existing boyfriend for and tell him to hit the road. That way you get to decide for yourself what your priorities are and don't hurt anyone else in the process.
As Master Betty said, guys are eternal optimists and will always interpret any marginally positive signal as a "yeah, she wants me, she's just waiting for me to hit the right butons" - and that's definitely the message you seem to have sent to him. (the guy that is, not Master Betty.)
(Well, maybe Master Betty too - I dunno!)
It sounds like you're playing games as much as he is. Like you're just gearing yourself up to cheat on your boyfriend with him and blame it on the guy's "manipulation" - i.e. creating a situation where you get to do something that you know is wrong, but get to externalize the blame so you don't feel guilty. As a psych major, what do you think of that theory?
I would advise you to make a decision one way of the other; either drop your boyfriend and try your chances with a guy who you well know is just in it for the chuckles, or make the decision that he's not worth losing your existing boyfriend for and tell him to hit the road. That way you get to decide for yourself what your priorities are and don't hurt anyone else in the process.
As Master Betty said, guys are eternal optimists and will always interpret any marginally positive signal as a "yeah, she wants me, she's just waiting for me to hit the right butons" - and that's definitely the message you seem to have sent to him. (the guy that is, not Master Betty.)
(Well, maybe Master Betty too - I dunno!)
JozhMiller
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- Apr 4, 2008
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Whatever you said to him came out like this
YouTube - Would You Go To Bed With Me (Eyes Remix) - Touch and Go [HD]
YouTube - Would You Go To Bed With Me (Eyes Remix) - Touch and Go [HD]
ChristineK
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- Mar 16, 2008
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Ahem
numanumanumane
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- Apr 7, 2008
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Haha nope, you don't know him Gary. Oh and the Buk Sing boys are pretty charming....in their own way. And I know they'll be on my side if I ever need to kick some ass!
You are absolutely correct. I'm in a long term, happy, and fun relationship. But I also could not ignore the human nature of attraction. And flirting with him came out so naturally that it scares me. But at the same time, I never felt tempted to be unfaithful to my boyfriend. I never wanted him to like me....and most of all, I never wanted him to turn out to be a sociopath!
SgtQuackers
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- Feb 17, 2008
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You old romantic
It sounds very similar to something that happened to me a few years back, it's always going to be a messy situation but you're doing better than me already just by being honest with yourself about it. The next step is working out where you really want to end up. Just remember that however good someone is at manipulation they still need you to say yes.
LilSusie
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- Mar 6, 2008
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Which reminds me you need to return that flirting disclaimer I sent you, signed in triplicate.
Telling someone you find them very attractive is certainly some flirting!
Cut contact if you value your current relationship. I'm sure it IS possible if you really want to. You may not believe theres any chance of anything happening with this guy but TBH thats not the impression you've given on this thread. You give the impression you've fallen for him.
Cut contact if you value your current relationship. I'm sure it IS possible if you really want to. You may not believe theres any chance of anything happening with this guy but TBH thats not the impression you've given on this thread. You give the impression you've fallen for him.
I honestly don't know...I'm a 21 year old chick without much life experience...But I'll guess that one good tactic would be to simply refuse to give him what he wants. Just treat him in a purely businesslike manner, no emotional bond of any sort, and he might decide that you're not worth picking on.
As people have mentioned, you should not have said "I find you attractive but..." - that comes across as a massive opening. "I like you but you need to try harder". He is pursuing that with skill and it sounds like it's working.
If you've got the stomach for it you need to absolutely shut him down, everyone likes to be flirted with but this cannot continue if you value your relationship. No openings, no "I like you but..", no nothing. If he is a psychopath he'll try to steer you into feeling awkward enough to admit you do want him in some way but you can't let that happen.
Unwanted attention is best dealt with by giving it an unequivocal shut door. After that it is easy to deal with because it is clear that attention is unwarranted (and you can tell boss/coworkers etc... that you want him off your back), so long as you allow it to be a game where the boundaries of appropriate are stretched and he is there as a 'friend' but always acting like a suitor then things will only get worse. He will continue to get into your feelings. Don't pussy-foot around the problem - you know the guy needs an absolute boundary and it needs to be set harshly.
Don't be nice, don't think you owe his feelings anything, any admission of liking him in the slightest is an invitation to further flirting.
If your boyfriend is worth it, shut this the **** down now. Won't necessarily be fun but you must know it's what needs to be done.
Hope you come to a decision, FWIW settling into anything with a psychopath sounds like a bad idea.
If you've got the stomach for it you need to absolutely shut him down, everyone likes to be flirted with but this cannot continue if you value your relationship. No openings, no "I like you but..", no nothing. If he is a psychopath he'll try to steer you into feeling awkward enough to admit you do want him in some way but you can't let that happen.
Unwanted attention is best dealt with by giving it an unequivocal shut door. After that it is easy to deal with because it is clear that attention is unwarranted (and you can tell boss/coworkers etc... that you want him off your back), so long as you allow it to be a game where the boundaries of appropriate are stretched and he is there as a 'friend' but always acting like a suitor then things will only get worse. He will continue to get into your feelings. Don't pussy-foot around the problem - you know the guy needs an absolute boundary and it needs to be set harshly.
Don't be nice, don't think you owe his feelings anything, any admission of liking him in the slightest is an invitation to further flirting.
If your boyfriend is worth it, shut this the **** down now. Won't necessarily be fun but you must know it's what needs to be done.
Hope you come to a decision, FWIW settling into anything with a psychopath sounds like a bad idea.