ok so.. i wrote a question earlyer. like.. i feel homesick. and i never feel homesick.. then i came home. and i sit in my room and shit all the time. and watch movies. my friends think im a hurmit... my home sick feeling wont go away...
(long story very short)
well.. i was scared to add this.. but i think it will give more of an idea..
well. when i sit in my room.. i cut myself real deep.... and im SCARED! shitless of blood... its my main fear... i cut it along the SIDE! of the vain. and pretend its slicing the vain. then it bleeds and bleeds and bleeds...
and i found a book on my floor. and i was writing with my blood in it. a bunch of depressing thoughts.. and i wrote how i want to kill myself. and i dont cry... but i got upset. i been doing this every night... and i get amused... and for some reason... i can fall asleep after.. and not be scared.. (remember.. my main fear is BLOOD!) and what i dont get is... i had blood dripping lots onto my legs and all over my bed... and it didnt bug me...
and for some reason. i wanted to keep writing...
i told my self i HAVE! to stop.. but i couldnt.. i kept writing. i was trying to put the tack down.. but then id pick it up again.. and write more shit... and i feel like somethings off when i do it... but i dont know what.. i kinda feel like its a dream...
but im not upset when im doing it.. i just have an erge to... then i get sad. bcuz i wish i didnt. but i want to keep going (i like took the tack out of my wall and did it) and i like to watch it split open... and thats scaring me.. bcuz... the bloods not scaring me. so i know somethings wrong.
(i just realized i might be depressed... i dont feel it. i dont know how depression feels)
and im 15 btw.
(long story very short)
well.. i was scared to add this.. but i think it will give more of an idea..
well. when i sit in my room.. i cut myself real deep.... and im SCARED! shitless of blood... its my main fear... i cut it along the SIDE! of the vain. and pretend its slicing the vain. then it bleeds and bleeds and bleeds...
and i found a book on my floor. and i was writing with my blood in it. a bunch of depressing thoughts.. and i wrote how i want to kill myself. and i dont cry... but i got upset. i been doing this every night... and i get amused... and for some reason... i can fall asleep after.. and not be scared.. (remember.. my main fear is BLOOD!) and what i dont get is... i had blood dripping lots onto my legs and all over my bed... and it didnt bug me...
and for some reason. i wanted to keep writing...
i told my self i HAVE! to stop.. but i couldnt.. i kept writing. i was trying to put the tack down.. but then id pick it up again.. and write more shit... and i feel like somethings off when i do it... but i dont know what.. i kinda feel like its a dream...
but im not upset when im doing it.. i just have an erge to... then i get sad. bcuz i wish i didnt. but i want to keep going (i like took the tack out of my wall and did it) and i like to watch it split open... and thats scaring me.. bcuz... the bloods not scaring me. so i know somethings wrong.
(i just realized i might be depressed... i dont feel it. i dont know how depression feels)
and im 15 btw.