Yes ,the Quakers seem to have been the only English people who made much effort to help.
I'm intrigued to know just how old your girlfriend is if her grandmother can remember the famine! I'm about your age, and my family has been here for seven generations since the famine.
The penal laws weren't fully repealed until the 1840's or 50's. I forget the exact dates, but I remember that it was during the Duke of Wellington's administration. Of course, their effects were deep-seated by then.
I've never lived in Scotland, so I can't really comment. There does seem to be a massive amount of sectarian bigotry up there (and I've had a taste of it from some of my own Scottish relatives.) That's the main reason why no-one in their right mind wants the Old Firm to join the English premier league, whatever the moneymen want.
As for 'whining' about the famine, it was a massive human tragedy and shouldn't ever be forgotten. Trying to compare the degree of racism suffered by different people in different countries does seem like a completely futile excercise to me.