someone gimmie a joke?

ever see a blonde looking for her pencil with a tampon behind her ear
 
There was a boy playing in the farm field when his mom called him in for breakfast. On his way in he kicked a cow, pig, and a chicken. So when he gets to the table he sees a dry bowl of cereal. "What's the deal?" he asks. His mom says " You kicked the cow so no milk for you, you kicked the pig so no bacon for you, and you kicked the chicken so no eggs for you." Then his father walks into the kitchen and accidentally kicked the cat. The boy says "Do you want me to tell him or should you?"
 
im not sexist, but even i thought this was funny:

what's the difference between a woman and a catfish?
Ones a lowlife bottom feeding scumbag. and the other one is a fish.

How did helen keller's parents punish her?
they left the plunger in the toilet
 
A farmer was sitting in a bar getting drunk. A man came in and asked the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?"
The farmer shook his head and replied, "Some things you just can't explain."

"So what happened that's so horrible?", the man asked as he sat down next to the farmer. "Well," the farmer said, "today I was sitting by my cow, milking her. Just as I got the bucket full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket."

"Okay",said the man "but that's not so bad."

"Some things you just can't explain," the farmer replied. "I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left. Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket."

The man laughed and said, "Again?"

The farmer replied,"Some things you just can't explain. I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right. Well I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail. Some things you just can't explain"

"So, what did you do?" the man asked.

"Well," the farmer said, "I didn't have anymore rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. At that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in...Some things you just can't explain."
 
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