My lying twonks of neighbours! I want to be rich enough to sue them for slander/libel/harrassment and being losers!
Failing that I want to emigrate to Canada to get away from them. Any Canadians know someone who wants to employ a slightly psychotic hobbit in an environmental role?
Sucks dude, at least you have the satisfaction of knowing she's messed up her life by getting engaged at 18 and will inevitably have a crap marriage till she eventually gathers up the spine to leave him (or he leaves her for a fitter bird) and becomes a desperate middle age creepy woman who turns up to student nights and bops about the dance floor trying to snaffle a new Tom boy and making everyone feel uncomfortable, occasionally members of the local rugby team may try and pump her for a bet but no one really wants to speak to her because let's be honest, she's creepy
Making you feel better?
Sod it mate, it'll get better, just get yourself out, get under some tart and focus your newfound time on making every day awesome.
I've heard Vancouver is nice. I've been up through the Pacific Northwest of the U.S., so I'd imagine it'd have to be. If you like fresh seafood and produce, you'd be in foodie Heaven. Plus, since it gets a bit misty and gray up there, they've also developed the art of caffiene and (healthy?) comfort food.
My Aunt loves it (and when my mum visits her she always comes back raving about the food). I also have relatives in Nova Scotia and Alberta and Ontario - I just need someone to adopt me is all!
I'd think somewhere on the water would be cool. Plus, Vancouver should have some great whale watching experiences. And remember, on a mission like this, you may have to resort to.....
You just have to find the right angle! Remind them you're a bug expert and you have a guaranteed solution for their bed bug problems. That's right, their bed bug problems! With your guaranteed method of reducing their bed bug population, they'll finally be able to sleep at night without the itchiness or skin crawliness of a bed bug infestation they weren't even aware of! You are the solution. You are the cure. Sell it.