Thoughts and Criticisms on an introduction sentence lead-in?

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Hey Yahoo. I need your feedback and criticisms regarding this lead-in sentence for my essay. My essay is about the repression of the intrinsic human desires and how this repression is actually a good thing. The following is my Hook-in sentence (the first sentence of my entire essay). I would kindly ask that you provide some criticisms regarding it. Does it make sense? What should I change?

"Society as a whole naturally constructs a border of confinement to stifle the intrinsic desires present in humankind."

If you want to see the second sentence following that:

Society as a whole naturally constructs a border of confinement to stifle the intrinsic desires present in humankind. In other words, in any civilization there are norms that the average individual abides by; the goodness or badness of a human is determined through his or her ability to conform to these very norms.

Thoughts? Thanks everyone.
 
I think your second sentence should be the first one (without "in other words" and "societal norms" for "these very norms"); and the first sentence should be the second one. The third sentence then says something like "these social constrictions repress some intrinsic human desires, which is actually a good thing (for society? for the individual?)."
 
'Society as a whole naturally constructs a border of confinement to stifle the intrinsic desires present in humankind. In other words, in any civilization there are norms that the average individual abides by; the goodness or badness of a human is determined through his or her ability to conform to these very norms.'

The use of 'in other words' indicates that you didn't get it right in the first sentence and that it needed clarification.

I would suggest you re-organise it a bit -

In any civilization there are NORMALLY ACCEPTED RULES that the average individual abides by AND the 'goodness' or 'badness' of a human is determined BY his or her ability to conform to these norms.

Society naturally constructs BORDERS of confinement to stifle the intrinsic desires present in humankind TO..........

You should now give a brief list (three or four should be enough to give a 'flavour') of what it is that the 'borders' are meant to repress by confining.
 
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