I'm a amateur writer and am currently writing a "story" for fun and the enjoyment of some friends. However, I think my combat scenes are quite horrible and I would like to know what you think. Tips would be appreciated.
Example:
Takesho laughed at his father, who was jumping around and slowly took off his robes, revealing an all black sleeveless shirt and matching baggy pants. He sunk into a fighting pose and at the nod of his father’s head, charged. He swung his fist at his father’s face, which blocked the punch and then kicked him in the stomach, sending Takesho flying backwards in the grass to roll near the watching hawk, moaning in pain as he clutched his stomach. Slowly standing up, Takesho jumped up and used a feint to confuse his father, appearing behind him as he delivered a swift kick to Seth’s back. As Seth stumbled, Takesho slowly beat him down as he tried to dodge. Eventually they neared the stream and Seth dodged a roundhouse kick from Takesho and as his fist acquired a deep purple aura, he punched Takesho in the ribs, sending him crashing into the bed of the stream.
“Fool! How can you expect to beat anyone in hand to hand if you can’t utilize your manna effectively?!” Seth shouted harshly at Takesho, who stared at him in confusion. Seth then released his complete manna, which hardened into a suit of armor; and charged Takesho, who realized what was happening and looked around him.
“Time to test my theory out..” Takesho thought as he quickly evaded a swipe from his father’s fist by jumping back into the stream. Lifting up his hands, Takesho willed the water in the stream to lift and fly at his father, who stood there confused. A jet of water sliced into the ground near his father, who cried out in shock and jumped into the air. “Take this!” Takesho said as several blades of water formed and flew at his father, who avoided two and was hit directly by the rest, sending him careening back, leaving a trail of earth.
Example:
Takesho laughed at his father, who was jumping around and slowly took off his robes, revealing an all black sleeveless shirt and matching baggy pants. He sunk into a fighting pose and at the nod of his father’s head, charged. He swung his fist at his father’s face, which blocked the punch and then kicked him in the stomach, sending Takesho flying backwards in the grass to roll near the watching hawk, moaning in pain as he clutched his stomach. Slowly standing up, Takesho jumped up and used a feint to confuse his father, appearing behind him as he delivered a swift kick to Seth’s back. As Seth stumbled, Takesho slowly beat him down as he tried to dodge. Eventually they neared the stream and Seth dodged a roundhouse kick from Takesho and as his fist acquired a deep purple aura, he punched Takesho in the ribs, sending him crashing into the bed of the stream.
“Fool! How can you expect to beat anyone in hand to hand if you can’t utilize your manna effectively?!” Seth shouted harshly at Takesho, who stared at him in confusion. Seth then released his complete manna, which hardened into a suit of armor; and charged Takesho, who realized what was happening and looked around him.
“Time to test my theory out..” Takesho thought as he quickly evaded a swipe from his father’s fist by jumping back into the stream. Lifting up his hands, Takesho willed the water in the stream to lift and fly at his father, who stood there confused. A jet of water sliced into the ground near his father, who cried out in shock and jumped into the air. “Take this!” Takesho said as several blades of water formed and flew at his father, who avoided two and was hit directly by the rest, sending him careening back, leaving a trail of earth.