What can I do to spark my boyfriend's interest again?

[Rosalynd]

My boyfriend and I have been together for over three years, and for the past few months, I feel completely unwanted by him. There's no major problem in our relationship other than this; I feel like I either have to initiate sex (and even then it's hesitant) or there's none at all, and I've asked him if there's anything special or different I could do to spark his interest. The answer is always no. I don't think sex is everything, but it is important to me and my self esteem takes a hit every time the topic comes up. I've tried letting things be to let him come around on his own, trying to be sexy for him, and talking to him. Nothing works. What can I do differently?

 

[mannequin]

There's nothing you can 'do' to make anyone interested.
Just be yourself and stop trying too hard.

You should be aware that in a relationship the sparks will not last. It's called going through stages. The longer you stay together, it is realistic to expect to get tired of each other.

Firstly, mind yourself first. Take interest in something, like hobby or a career. Keep yourself busy with something else other than him.
Read, go out, spend time with friends, family, etc.

You have to keep yourself sane in the first place. Stop revolving your life around this guy.

Secondly, you may take interest in his interests.
Like sometimes, just face it, he's just not that into you. But it doesn't mean it's the end of the world. It just means time to take interest in other things before you catch up with each other again. After all you are two people, completely different, there is no such thing as 'two souls become one' or whatever similar so-called romantic rubbish.

- take interest in his hobbies, be curious, ask questions
- ask him what he likes to do and ask if you could join
- talk and let him know how you feel
- talk and ask him how HE feels
- be friends again... not lovers

It's normal that it feels mundane and bored at times, but that doesn't mean it has to ruin the relationship. It's all a matter of teamwork.

If even after you've given him space he still doesn't seem to want this anymore. Then let there be no drama. You may as well move on.
If it wasn't love in the first place, it will never be love 3 more years down the road. Or any time in the future for that matter.

 

[Matt]

Make him the center of the world. Guys have big ego's so tell him how wonderful he was at something even if it wasn't that grand. If he fixes something in the house, kills a bug, anything, act as if you were all helpless and you're so thankful that he was around to take care of it cuz you have no idea what you would have done without him. I know it sounds silly but you'll see him all of a sudden get interested in you.