AudreyGrace
New member
- Apr 24, 2010
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I'm 13 and I'm writing a book (my third). What do you think of the first 2 pages i have so far? Would you want to read it?
The way it looks:
Upper class, suburban New England town. Kids out on their bikes, families with babies and dogs. Halfway down April Drive, there is a large house, the color of a ray of sun with a neatly trimmed lawn and a garden overflowing with tulips. There are two kids bikes toppled over on the driveway next to an SUV and a basketball hoop. Zoom in through a window. There’s a kitchen table with a lace table cloth and a vase with roses in it. In the living room sit a boy and a girl, about 12 years old. There are two bedrooms. The first is light blue with sport paraphernalia strewn about and a baseball glove tossed haphazardly on the edge of a recently made bed. On a wall is a curtain, probably covering an air conditioner. The other is next door. Light yellow walls, one with a huge dandelion sketched. If you look closely, the girls name is written on the stem; Arianna. On one of the walls there is a curtain that matches the one is the boy’s room. They must both have air conditioners built into the same place. There’s a picture frame knocked over on the desk and a vase full of yellow flowers and a light turned on next to the window that she obviously forgot to turn off. There is a decorative crystal bell on the bedside stand, with an ‘A’ inscribed on it. The next is down the hall. It’s plain to see that it’s the parents bedroom. There are pictures hanging about the wall of a boy and a girl, showing them growing up. The boy in a baseball uniform, the girl in a pool. One side on the bed looks like it’s never been touched. The pillow is perfectly ironed, a heart with an ‘S’ scrawled in pink calligraphy. The other side is wrinkled and looks slept-on, with the same pillow, but a ‘D’ written in blue. His and her matching pillows. How cute. The only reason anyone would look twice would be to admire the house. How beautiful. How New England. Typical happy family. As if.
The way it is:
Scrape away the yellow paint, and you’ll get a coat of light pink, my mother’s favorite color. It was painted over in yellow 5 years ago. Zoom in through the window again. The tablecloth is there to cover the engraving on the table, “Daniel and Sophie, 1993”. The girl in the living room isn’t sketching. She’s writing what she can’t say. The curtains in the bedrooms are so that the boy can alert their father if the girl needs help, because she can’t do it herself. The picture frame is purposely tipped over. The girl can’t bear to look at the woman in the picture. And the light was also purposely left on, so that if her mom wants to come home. She’ll always see the light leading her there. It hasn’t gone off in five years, two months, 27 days, 8 hours, 4 minutes, and 54 seconds. The bell is in case her brother doesn’t wake up and she needs her dad. The side on the bed that looks like it hasn’t been touched? It hasn’t, and probably never will again. Happy family? Sure.
The way it seems: Single father with a high paying job and two beautiful kids. He’s so loving and doting; he even drives them to school each day and waits for them to get into the building. The little girl is always so happy and the boy is so kind. They’re both so active. A real all American family, if I’ve ever seen one. Quiet, but nice. And the kids are so well behaved; they never fight! He takes such good care of the property, too. I wish all families were as close as this one.
The way it is: The reason why he’s so doting is because if he lets the girl out of his sight, he doesn’t know what will happen. He drives them to school because on the bus the boy got beat up and the girl got teased mercilessly. She acts happy so maybe she can convince herself that she is. They’re active because the house is so filled with things they can’t and don’t want to face that they spend as much time outside a possible. Things make sense for the girl there. She’s quiet because she has no choice. They don’t fight because if they do, they’ll have no one left to cling to. The boy is his sister’s guardian; if he leaves her, then what will happen? The father takes care of the property so that other people don’t think to look into what their life is really like. And with a girl like that, they have to be close.
What it will never be:
Normal.
Best answer gets 10 points! Bonus question: The title is Seeds of Silence. Do you like the name? And i forgot to say; the girl is touched by an unimaginable act of violence at the beginning. But because she is mute (stopped talking after her mom left. another one of the secrets weaved into the book that is revealed at the end) she can't tell anyone what it is.
The way it looks:
Upper class, suburban New England town. Kids out on their bikes, families with babies and dogs. Halfway down April Drive, there is a large house, the color of a ray of sun with a neatly trimmed lawn and a garden overflowing with tulips. There are two kids bikes toppled over on the driveway next to an SUV and a basketball hoop. Zoom in through a window. There’s a kitchen table with a lace table cloth and a vase with roses in it. In the living room sit a boy and a girl, about 12 years old. There are two bedrooms. The first is light blue with sport paraphernalia strewn about and a baseball glove tossed haphazardly on the edge of a recently made bed. On a wall is a curtain, probably covering an air conditioner. The other is next door. Light yellow walls, one with a huge dandelion sketched. If you look closely, the girls name is written on the stem; Arianna. On one of the walls there is a curtain that matches the one is the boy’s room. They must both have air conditioners built into the same place. There’s a picture frame knocked over on the desk and a vase full of yellow flowers and a light turned on next to the window that she obviously forgot to turn off. There is a decorative crystal bell on the bedside stand, with an ‘A’ inscribed on it. The next is down the hall. It’s plain to see that it’s the parents bedroom. There are pictures hanging about the wall of a boy and a girl, showing them growing up. The boy in a baseball uniform, the girl in a pool. One side on the bed looks like it’s never been touched. The pillow is perfectly ironed, a heart with an ‘S’ scrawled in pink calligraphy. The other side is wrinkled and looks slept-on, with the same pillow, but a ‘D’ written in blue. His and her matching pillows. How cute. The only reason anyone would look twice would be to admire the house. How beautiful. How New England. Typical happy family. As if.
The way it is:
Scrape away the yellow paint, and you’ll get a coat of light pink, my mother’s favorite color. It was painted over in yellow 5 years ago. Zoom in through the window again. The tablecloth is there to cover the engraving on the table, “Daniel and Sophie, 1993”. The girl in the living room isn’t sketching. She’s writing what she can’t say. The curtains in the bedrooms are so that the boy can alert their father if the girl needs help, because she can’t do it herself. The picture frame is purposely tipped over. The girl can’t bear to look at the woman in the picture. And the light was also purposely left on, so that if her mom wants to come home. She’ll always see the light leading her there. It hasn’t gone off in five years, two months, 27 days, 8 hours, 4 minutes, and 54 seconds. The bell is in case her brother doesn’t wake up and she needs her dad. The side on the bed that looks like it hasn’t been touched? It hasn’t, and probably never will again. Happy family? Sure.
The way it seems: Single father with a high paying job and two beautiful kids. He’s so loving and doting; he even drives them to school each day and waits for them to get into the building. The little girl is always so happy and the boy is so kind. They’re both so active. A real all American family, if I’ve ever seen one. Quiet, but nice. And the kids are so well behaved; they never fight! He takes such good care of the property, too. I wish all families were as close as this one.
The way it is: The reason why he’s so doting is because if he lets the girl out of his sight, he doesn’t know what will happen. He drives them to school because on the bus the boy got beat up and the girl got teased mercilessly. She acts happy so maybe she can convince herself that she is. They’re active because the house is so filled with things they can’t and don’t want to face that they spend as much time outside a possible. Things make sense for the girl there. She’s quiet because she has no choice. They don’t fight because if they do, they’ll have no one left to cling to. The boy is his sister’s guardian; if he leaves her, then what will happen? The father takes care of the property so that other people don’t think to look into what their life is really like. And with a girl like that, they have to be close.
What it will never be:
Normal.
Best answer gets 10 points! Bonus question: The title is Seeds of Silence. Do you like the name? And i forgot to say; the girl is touched by an unimaginable act of violence at the beginning. But because she is mute (stopped talking after her mom left. another one of the secrets weaved into the book that is revealed at the end) she can't tell anyone what it is.
